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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "Why doesn't my wife like me?"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sorry, I’m PP who asked about ASD. It’s relevant, because it reflects your experience in the world, and your social interactions. Some of the behaviors you describe are in sync with ASD. It would NOT excuse your wife - her behavior sounds disrespectful and demeaning.[b] It sounds like she is self-conscious and really focused on fitting in and “social capital”,[/b] which would make daily life with her very unpleasant. You might be happier on your own. [/quote] He described it as social capital in the beginning, but every example he's given it's boiled down to "you might not realize how rude this looks to other people" which is not in any way a focus on social climbing on her part. Starting to write in a notebook as soon as your bored by the conversation at someone else's house is rude, not quirky. She's trying to teach her kids how to behave in the world and he's actively coaching them in a different direction (one that isn't even working for him, based on how anxious and unhappy he continues to be in social situations), which sounds pretty unpleasant itself.[/quote] This is how you see it. Others go to a bar and grab some "liquid courage" before overcoming their social anxiety. Oh, that's not rude like doing a Rubik's cube or sudoku right? That's socially acceptable right? We allow for drunks but not mathematicians. That's the society we have prepared for our children. We want to tell our children that its better to go take a shot than to a puzzle. No, I'm having the talk with my wife and I'm seeing the balancing act and the frustration of what you mention, but I'm also trying to walk a delicate balance because I see alcohol all around me. And weed and other drugs. And that's the city we're raising our kids in. I'm trying not to depend on this crutch as much and be more social, but the thing I need my wife to realize is that she can't take away the crutch from me. She can't magically walk to me like Jesus and say "you're healed". I have this anxiety. And until God takes it away from me I have to deal with it however God equips me. Whether I step away from the table and go to my car for a moment next time, or run to the bathroom, or just step outside for a second, I'll deal with it in a better way than at the table. At the table is rude but dealing with my anxiety is not. [/quote]
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