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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why don’t Jewish people want converts?
My daughter converted when she married a Jewish man and everything seems fine? Am I missing something?[/quote]

Have you ever heard of a Jewish missionary? Did Judaism spread throughout the world to convert people the way Islam did? They obviously don't want converts. They accepted your daughter's conversion because they want the kids to be raised Jewish and don't want to lose them. There's a lot of intermarriage and mainstream Jews accept that it's better to convert a spouse if it means retaining the kids. But they would prefer Jews marry other Jews and the state of Israel doesn't even recognize your daughter or her kids as Jewish. Believe me, your daughter won't ever be fully accepted as Jewish my many Jews.[/quote]
So how is this not elitism?
No matter what you do or how much you love us, you are 2nd class

Do people really marry into stuff like that ?
[/quote]

I never thought of it that way. I didn’t know my daughter would not be fully accepted. Do Jewish people treat converts and their kids differently or is it just some unspoken rule that converts are not really Jewish? Sort of depressing. [/quote]
I converted to Judaism 12 years ago and I feel fully accepted by my community and my Jewish in laws. I occasionally come across someone who feels like PP, but it's rare these days, and they almost never know me personally, or make an attempt to get to know me.

The concept of l'dor v'dor (from generation to generation) is a central part of Jewish life and Jewish theology. Every Jewish community I have been a part of has had conversations (both big congregation-wide or movement-wide, and personal) about Jewish continuity and the continued existence of the Jewish people into the next generation. It's just something that every Jewish person worries about on some level. Some people leave those conversations feeling like PP that conversion is a not-ideal-but-necessary thing to combat intermarriage and keep the next generation Jewish. In my personal and professional experience in the Reform and Conservative movements (my job is in the Jewish community as well), that belief is on its way out. I'm not treated differently because I'm a convert and my kids aren't treated differently as the children of a convert.

That said, there are people in every society who want to share their traditions with the next generation and lament when they can't. I grew up baking Christmas cookies and decorating Easter eggs with my grandma, and I know that's something that my mom wanted to do with her grandkids someday. My parents saved all of my Christmas ornaments from when I was little hoping to pass them down to me when I became an adult. My dad loves Christmas cartoons and would love to watch them with his grandkids. But my parents can't do those things with their grandkids because their grandkids are Jewish. My parents have always been supportive of my Judaism and they find other ways to connect with my kids, but it's still a loss of something they expected to have.[/quote]
Why can’t your parents do those things with your kids? I don’t understand 
Sounds too controlling 
I get the impression converts are tolerated, expected to remain as religious Jews not cultural jews and somewhat watched 
Do you think your experience would have been the same if you didn’t have children or were not that observant?[/quote]

DP and as a non-convert (born Jewish) I wouldn't let my kids do Christian activities either, at least not when they are young and not if they're explicitly Christian (versus making cookies with friends that aren't Santa or Christmas tree shaped). Once they're over age 10 or so, maybe. Before that the focus is on establishing their Jewish identity, which means swimming upstream against the dominant culture. No Christmas, no Easter eggs, no dress with a bunny or shamrocks (sorry DD). Halloween and Valentines Day are ok with us but lots of people don't agree.

You may call it controlling and of course, it is. And it's for a reason, which is passing down our culture and religion in a country that values neither. As the kids get older and exposed to more influences, they'll make their own decisions. While they're small, I want them to learn Jewish customs and values and always have those, and not the broader Christian culture, as a default. I grew up sort of in both worlds - Jewish but attended a Christian day school because my parent worked there and tuition was free - and I can see the difference in what my children learn versus what I learned. My 9 year old doesn't even know who Jesus Christ is, and I am fine with that. Whereas I knew from age 5 because we went to chapel once a week. They'll have all the rest of their lives to hear about Christianity in the US. For now, they can imprint as Jewish.[/quote]
Convert PP here. Yes to all of this, thank you for this. It's so well-said.

To PP's question about religious vs. cultural, there is no way to convert to cultural Judaism without religion. There was an article (maybe in Tablet or The Forward?) about maybe creating a cultural conversion, but it didn't go anywhere because it doesn't make a lot of sense. Again, I'm accepted, not just "tolerated." My level of observance has ebbed and flowed (Reform, Conservative, Modern Orthodox and back to Conservative), but I've always been religious and cultural.

I haven't tested it and don't really plan to, because I am happy with my level of observance, but I'm guessing at this point if I stopped ever going to synagogue and just did Chanukah and Passover at home and ate bagels and lox, I would be treated the same as I am now, or the same as any other Jew who used to go to shul and doesn't anymore.

I was Jewish for 7 years before I had kids, so I had plenty of time to think about how I would be Jewish before thinking about how my kids would be Jewish. It hasn't really changed much in that department.[/quote]

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