Reply to When a friend always brings down the mood with their trauma, would this be okay?

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Reply to "When a friend always brings down the mood with their trauma, would this be okay?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was in this friend's situation. My solution was to stop talking to people. Trauma is isolating. People don't understand, and though they love to think of themselves as lovely and caring, they're really just great big hypocrites.

Such a shame about your mood having been brought down, though, right?[/quote]

Laypeople are not trained or equipped to deal with trauma. They can hear about, empathize and offer advice a few times, but they are not equipped to offer long-term support. Professional therapists, psychologists and psychiatrists go through years of specialized training and have a code of conduct, rules and protocol that protect them and their patients that they follow in their practices.

Hearing about and offering support a few times? Yes, of course, friends can do that. But friends aren’t therapists and they cannot act like or help like therapists. I say this as someone who suffered from PPD and PTSD following a traumatic birth.[/quote]

OP, please heed the person above.

I would absolutely talk with her lovingly about getting therapy starting ASAP. But I would leave the social aspect out of that conversation entirely. Make it only about how you know she's hurting and you truly hope she will get professional help because it's so clear how fresh her pain is. If it would assist her, you could help her look up therapists (she can start with her health insurer's list but she may need to pay and go outside that list). But I would NOT bring up "When you socialize with others, you constantly raise this issue, and it's affecting how people see you...." Nope. That's true, for sure, but it's not time to bring that up. She needs serious, professional help if she's not getting it already. She could possibly withdraw or be embarrassed and stop socializing if she hears that she's putting people off. You don't want that, but you do want her to get real help.

If she says anything like, "But venting helps me and I need to express it" or "Friends can help me, I don't need therapy" etc. -- please, please use the PP's post above as your script. "Hearing about and offering support a few times? Yes, of course, friends can do that. But friends aren’t therapists and they cannot act like or help like therapists. Professional therapists have rules that protect you as the patient, and training your friends don't have." [/quote]

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