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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I think the "pre-active" or "active" dying phase has begun - I'm unsure of the different between the two stages.

He is now on morphine as he appears to be in physical pain. He is drinking some water but cannot swallow very well and has choking fits when he tries: dysphagia, I assume.

Hospice tried to start him on oxygen but he repeatedly pulls out the cannula, so he's without oxygen now. Labored and irregular breathing.

He's lost a dramatic amount of weight and is likely below a hundred pounds now (at 5'7").

He can no longer speak, just mumble incoherently. He either sleeps or is passed out most of the time.

It's hard to watch all this, especially since I no longer know what he needs since he can't communicate.

I'm wondering if I should take leave from work - for how long, though? - and sit in his room at his nursing facility to ensure he's getting medication whenever he seems to be in pain. I think the morphine is sort of given during nursing rounds, but not when he's in his room alone. And he can no longer ring his nursing bell.

Anyway. I just wanted to provide an update since you have all been so sweet and supportive. I do hope this all ends soon: it will be guilt and grief and relief in equal measures.[/quote]

This sounds very similar to my 90 yr old mother's last days.  Hospice was involved but she was at home.  Her last two days were exactly as you describe although we were putting drops of morphine on her gums every hour.  If you or someone else can stay there with him you could do that yourselves.  She did not eat anything those two days, was also sleeping or mumbling with her eyes closed the whole time.  It was difficult but I and my siblings were very glad to be able to be with her when she passed.  I hope your dad's last days do not drag on and that you are able to handle it all.[/quote]

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