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[quote=Anonymous]Not what you asked, OP, but in the spirit of your thread:

In one of my circles of friends, it’s considered inappropriate/rude to complain about your spouse in any way that confirms some of these stereotypes of men and women. So for instance, I would never complain to these friends that my DH often feigns incompetence (claims he doesn’t know his or is somehow unable to do tasks like booking summer camp, shopping for kids clothes, calming a child who is melting down, etc.) to get out of childcare and housework. If I did complain about this, I would be accused of playing into gender tropes. Some of the women in this group would also immediately seize on the idea that whatever I was complaining about was actually my fault— that I was gatekeeping, that the problem is I’m disorganized, that I haven’t done enough to make DH feel confident. They would explain they never have these problems, that their marriages are totally equal and they just don’t believe a man would behave that way.

I have recently decided to distance myself from this group, all of whom consider themselves feminists, because I think this is basically just gaslighting and another way for these women to compete/one-up each other (“my DH is the perfect partner/my marriage is a model of equity”). It’s exhausting and doesn’t make me feel supported or accepted. It certainly doesn’t feel feminist.

So I guess my trope that I think is actually true is that women really are viciously competitive with one another, even when they are pretending they are too evolved for it.[/quote]

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