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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think I understand why OP is upset. It's the disparity at how the grandchildren are treated. Her ILs are spending all this time with one set of grandchildren but not the others. I also think OP is exhausted, she is trying to get her point across, to ask people who are supposed to be her closest family to help her, and she gets polite rebuffs. The whole "send me your children's pictures" is such fake "grandparenting".

OP, I would mute them. Don't let them get to you. Plan your life without them, it's actually better that way. You won't owe them a thing so when they are infirm, they can rely on SIL and her children. Consider yourself off the hook.[/quote]

Why is this such a shock to women? Maternal grandparents tend to be closer to their daughter's children. This is true in my family and so many others. OP moved away from her parents and lost that support. OP and her husband also don't live near the in-laws. It's very rare that the in-laws will step in and fill that void that OP is missing out with her own parents, never mind the geographical distance. If you want that kind of family support and closeness you, living near family is usually a prerequisite. [/quote]

We don't know if OP moved from her family or they moved from her. Also, it is not necessary to live in the same area as your family to be close.  If she is married to someone who gets deployed, there is no way they can stay in one place. [/quote]

No matter who moved, it suggests they aren't that close, physically or geographically. And it is necessary to be close to family if you expect them to pick up your kids from practice or watch them when you get a hair cut.[/quote]

OMG people how hard is it for grandparents to fly or drive out for a weekend to visit their own grandchildren? She is not asking for day to day help, she needs a small reprieve. Selfish.

OP, I hope those grandparents do not expect your DH to take care of them once they are infirm. [/quote]

The DH can decide that on his own. If the in-laws are selfish what will confronting them do? OP just needs to hire a babysitter and move on with her life instead of blaming her in-laws for her current predicament. Maybe military life is not for her.[/quote]

It's probably safe to say the DH being a member of the military is not a new thing. So theoretically OP kind of knew what she was signing up for when she married him and then chose to have children with him. It is tough juggling little kids and a full-time job. But doable, millions of people do it.

OP just has it stuck in her craw that the inlaws are not providing the support she desires. It would be nice if they did something, but they're not. Time to simply accept it and move forward.[/quote]

I absolutely detest this argument because no people don't always know what it's like to be a solo parent in a very isolating situation.  Even if you think you have some idea of how hard it is it doesn't always match up to the reality.

And telling someone that they knew what they were getting into doesn't mean that they're still not in pain or suffering. It would be like telling somebody who's in labor that they knew that labor was going to hurt so therefore they don't deserve any pain medication.

It sounds to me like the op is more upset that her in-laws basically want to have zero relationship with her outside of a few pictures of their grandchildren. And that's a pretty depressing situation
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