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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The OP is looking for the easy way out.  He needs to man up and address the problem by either fixing himself and the marriage, or file for divorce.  Both are hard and he doesn't want to do the work. He just thinks he can put a band aid on the problem by having an affair.  That is definitely not the solution and is the least honorable thing he could do.[/quote]

Let's see, his choices are:
A. Work on relationship and hope it recovers.
B. Divorce and ruin family
C. Cheat, and move to Option B only if found out.

C doesn't seem that bad.[/quote]

What is bad about C, it that you lose all integrity, if that is something you care about.  And yes, divorce is hard on kids.  But to find out you dad was screwing around on their mom?  That is something they will hold against him forever.  And possibly take into their own future relationships in terms of trusting others.[/quote]

C also seems to destroy relationships with the kids.  Even if the exwife says nothing to the kids they tend to find out somehow.[/quote]

It can for sure. Depends on the kids, especially their ages, and the situation. I have a friend with an AP in another city he visits often for work. When I've met up with their family and kids for play dates, he's super dad and running circles around me in terms of engagement with the kids and so on.[/quote]

DP. So what are you telling us, PP? Are you surprised he's still an engaged father when he also is a cheater? I hope that's the reaction here, rather than thinking he must be somehow OK if he's such a great dad. He may genuinely love his children; of course many cheaters do love their kids; but they compartmentalize that love away from any thought of how their behavior might affect their kids years later.

His kids are at an easy age, still in the play date phase. They likely think he's king of the world. Fine for now. But once they get older and eventually -- maybe as tweens or teens or adults-- find out, well, at least they'll have their lovely play date memories of daddy, I guess. More likely those memories will only add to how conflicted they feel about him. They'll wonder how the person they knew back then could also treat their mother and the family as a whole the way he's treating them. Great way to mess up your kids into adulthood.[/quote]

People are complicated, no doubt.[/quote]

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