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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Somoe of them get their comeuppance from their adult children if their adult children can accurately see their parent. It took me decades to figure out my mother is a mean girl turned old, mean woman who shamelessly lies, bullies and manipulates her way through life becuase she thinks paid employment is beneath her.  She likes to bully people with disabilities, illnesses and other special needs.  I permanently severed ties with her--and she deserves every bit of the confusion, shame and isolation that comes with that deciision.  No really, she does.

The only reason she got her comeuppance was because I took a stand. Bullies sail through life without consequence..unless someone does something.  Sometimes, no one does anything. I wish we lived in a universe where it was guaranteed that bullies would eventually pay.

[/quote]

I wonder about this with a woman who bullied me relentlessly in my first job out of college. She has two daughters and when I think of her, I think of them and wonder what their experience with her as a mother is.

The thing that made her such an awful bully is that she was very covert about it. Classic mean girl tactics, actually. She befriended me my first day in the office, was very complimentary and ushered me into her clique. She was a relentless gossip but she'd do it in this very specific way that made it sound like she was expressing sympathy with her target, or was worried about them. Like "I'm very concerned about Larla -- she screwed up that project last week and her manager is really frustrated with her, but I suspect she's having marital issues and that's what's got her off her game." In the moment you'd think wow, you are very compassionate to think about our colleague in that way, but then later you'd realize it was just a subtle way for her to talk $hit about Larla's work performance (which had nothing to do with her) and private life. She did this with everyone. She also collected a bunch of little acolytes (I was definitely one of them my first few months on the job, before I figured out who she was) and they'd do a lot of her dirty work for her -- she'd tell them things "in confidence" about other people in the office and then they'd go and gossip incessantly about this, and in this way she would seem above the fray even though she was almost always the source of these rumors. She'd also weaponize her own vulnerabilities if anyone called her on her behavior -- on the very rare occasion someone would call her out, she'd immediately get very emotional and upset and her acolytes would swarm around her to protect her and ultimately the person who'd said something to her would wind up apologizing. I saw this happen multiple times.

She is probably the scariest person I've ever encountered as an adult because she was so good at what she did. She destroyed people's careers. I can think of a half dozen people who left not only that organization but the industry we worked in after being targeted by her with gossip and getting blackballed by her little group. There were at least three of us who wound up in counseling as we left because the experience was so demoralizing -- this happened years ago but occasionally it still comes up in therapy for me because the scars went very deep.

Anyway, I think of her daughters and I wonder if she does this stuff with them and what that must be like. Or maybe because they are her kids she uses this behavior to protect them, which I think could also have negative impacts longterm because they could either learn this from her or others might learn not to trust them because their mom is a sociopath. I hope for their sake that she has either changed or just doesn't do this stuff with them, only at work. But I still wouldn't want to be her daughter. I think, like you, they'd discover one day what their mom was and it would harm them.

I wonder how she got that way.[/quote]

Yes you are describing a narcissist. 
They begin with a love bombing phase. Then then demoralize, triangulate and gaslight
They tend to have what psychiatrists call "flying monekys" around them to protect them and do their bidding
 They also often see their children as extensions of themselves and turn the children into narcissists on top of it. So while they will look like they are parent of the year, they are actually incapable of real.love. example is a person known in our school uses the daughter to live through vicariously.. has planned the daughter's entire career and even romantic partners and friends out with no input from the daughter herself. The daughter doesn't exist as a separate person, in her mind. To an outsider she looks like a great, involved mom but it's entirely superfine and she doesn't have real, human feelings for the child as an individual.

Look at the narcissist as a tool, they are completely predictable and you can use them to get what you want. You will also be able to spot and understand the next one . They are so predictable it's actually pretty funny.

I think you would really get a kick out of googling "narcissist love bombing, flying monkeys" etc. The articles you read describe your experiences to a T.[/quote]

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