Reply to DIL choosing not to get involved in MIL's care

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[quote=Anonymous]Nobody gets to dictate a schedule of who does what when. You do what you can handle. It's not just about who has kids what age and what jobs. It's about the relationship with the parent and what you can handle without burning out. It's a lot easier to be the Golden child and breeze in and have mom happy to see you as she serves you tea, than it is to be mom's little Cinderella who is expected to do tasks for her all as she criticizes you, guilt trips you and tells you how much better your sibling is.

We don't have kids to have them take care of us. None of chose to be born. We all have to plan to for our futures.

I helped dad a lot because he was loving and kind and appreciative. I helped mom until she became so combative and difficult I could not take it anymore. My siblings have no idea what it is like to deal with her dark side because every time they came to town it was cause for celebration and her doting on them while she complained about me.

Sibling relationships fall apart because of past dysfunction, personalities and not giving eachother grace and having realist expectations. Yes, not all parents can afford the care they need. So the very least they could do is be on their absolute best behavior when an adult child steps up. Dementia adds a twist to that, but there are places even for those of modest means. [/quote]

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