Reply to And then the day comes: Long term partner

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I agree with most of the posters but I understand why the OP isn't upset. My FIL has been in the same kind of relationship with his partner for the past 25 years. Not married, 2 homes, spends most of the time at her home but he mainstains his own home as ewll. They are not married on paper, but in practice, their relationship can only be described as that. There is a lot of congnitive dissonance to manage when you've been interacting with a parent and their partner as if they were married and treating that person as if they are part of the family, only to have the rubber meet the road so abruptly.

I'm not saying that his girlfriend isn't right to set these boundaires--I think in this case she is. But again, the OP understandbly is dealing with the cognitive dissonance of a relationship that may have only existed in the OP's mind along with the realties of eldercare.[/quote]

Oh FFS. Someone's part of the family even if they aren't capable of caregiving at their advanced age! She's drawing some hard lines for FIl and her own safety but that doesn't mean she doesn't love him or isn't part of the family.

The cognitive dissonance here is the adult children realizing they have been in denial of their parent's needs for way too long.[/quote]

Yes. Look, DH now recognizes that his father was probably faltering longer than he realized and that he should have probably stopped going into his workplace well before that. DH sees that his mom wanted her husband out of the house so she wouldn't have to care for/entertain him, so ignored the reasons why he should not have gone into his office.

OP, sounds like your FiL may have needed help for awhile and has now been exposed. GL in handling it.[/quote]

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