Reply to Feeling hurt when other people fall apart over their elderly ailing parents while mine died young

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]1999. That is the important part here, people. OP is acting totally insane.[/quote]

I am the OP. Why is the year of my mom's death relevant when I still haven't found closure?

My mom was completely unable to talk about her diagnosis (malignant cancer which turned out to be terminal) to anyone which made things worse I think.
There was no real 'goodbye'.

[/quote]

Because 23 years is a long time to not seek treatment for unresolved grief and to withhold empathy and support from your own grieving spouse because of it. [/quote]

OP again.
I have never sought treatment or therapy in my life. 
I was brought up to deal with your problems without leaning on others, or asking for help (unless it was a serious and urgent situation).

I was born in 1968 and therapy or councelling wasn't really a thing when I was growing up. It was kind of frowned upon in my family. 
My dad's side of the family were a little more open and more communicative, but my mom's side were not, and problems/emotions were dealt with within each nuclear family unit. You wouldn't really seek help from outside.[/quote]

Yes, but that was then. And now there’s nothing stopping you from seeking therapy.

I understand where you’re coming from. My DH died at 38–at my first grief group all the other surviving spouses were crying about late loved one missing out on their grandchildren growing up. I learned that wasn’t the group for me…but now with time and tears behind me, I am able to support others without comparing loss/grief.
My kids lost their dad when they were 1 and 7. Yes it’s a twinge or a pang when someone is mourning a dad much older…I wouldn’t say they’re ever mad or jealous, just wistful that they would have loved to have had even a fraction of that time with their dad. But they have been able to be such caring and supportive friends to others thanks in part to the perspective they have.

Check out Anderson Cooper’s podcast, you might appreciate it.
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