Reply to Feeling hurt when other people fall apart over their elderly ailing parents while mine died young

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think it’s dysfunctional to be hurt be how other people feel about losing their own parents.

I get feeling envious, frustrated, regretful, needing space, and having your grief triggered by the experience.

But they aren’t doing anything TO you. They are just grieving their own parent in their own way. It’s not about you, just like it wasn’t about them when your parents died.[/quote]

This is OP here.

Just to put the story straight, my MIL is still alive. As explained in my first post she lives in her own house and she receives help from private caregivers and from her adult children.

My DH and his siblings may be grieving even before MIL has passed but she is definitely still alive and hopefully she will continue to live for several more years.

MIL and I get along very well. She is a lovely lady and she has always been good to me.

It's just that I feel cheated out of all the extra years my parents could have lived and I could have spent with them, doing all the parent/adult child and mother/adult daughter things that people with living parents take for granted. Celebrating birthdays and milestones, maybe going on vacation together, mother and daughter chats, just to name a few.

When mom died, DH and I had only been married 10 months. Our wedding day was the last time I saw her happy before her cancer diagnosis. We never saw this coming.

My DH kind of understands my feelings. My SILs do not get it and they are unable to relate to the fact that I'm still missing my parents after so many years, while at the same time stressing out about the thought that MIL aged 93 might die one day.[/quote]

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