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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP do you know the extent of his alcoholism that caused him to go to AA 15 years ago? If they have young kids now and have have only known each other for 10 years, he must have been quite young. It's interesting to me that he recognized his issue and stopped drinking so young, presumably college age or shortly thereafter.  I'm assuming a lot of factors here but that sounds very self-aware and mature to me, even admirable.

It doesn't sound like you're going to change your mind, and you're willing to damage and potentially destroy your relationship with your sister and her kids in the process. Is that worth it?

On the other side of things, if some day in the future your BIL does relapse, or if one of your sister's kids or even your sister has substance dependency issues, what will you do? How will you feel? Will you cast them out? Will you be smug and "I told you so!"? Will you approach with compassion? All things to consider. But in the meantime, in the present, when things are stable, do you want to be locked up in your own anger or do you want to have a relationship?[/quote]
If I were OP's sister, and one of my kids had a substance abuse problem, I would not tell OP, and I would distance myself from her as much as possible.  I don't need someone around my kid who thinks of them as a broken toy who should be shunned for the rest of their lives, no matter what steps they make in recovery.  [/quote]

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