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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.

Man, you all are brutal!

At the same time, rereading my post, stripped of personalities and interpersonal dynamics, I can see how it reads to others.  Your responses also helped me see where my error may be - blaming my SIL, instead of blaming my MIL. She's setting us all up for this. Not intentionally, but not without considering the imposition apparently.

Admittedly, I don't have all the info because I don't deal with the arrangement making. I have *assumed* that SIL wanted to host, but perhaps she is being coerced into it by MIL. I might clarify this with DH. I'm pretty sure his understanding is the same.

We have no problem getting a hotel room; our in-laws insisted we stay at their place. But that doesn't solve the space issue regardless, whether we are staying at their place or in a hotel or AirBnB.

In the end, I think we minimize our number of days there, offer to get together for dinner in a restaurant with SIL & BIL when we *are* in town and that's it. They're clearly not interested in spending time together, and that's okay.[/quote]

I’m glad you’ve come to see reason. Your whole attitude of “we have to gather at their house for a holiday meal because that’s where we all fit” smacks of entitlement, when plenty of restaurants do holiday meals, and even if they don’t, you can visit a restaurant the day before or the day after. [/quote]

Not MY idea - it is the ILs idea.[/quote]

I never said it was your idea; it was your ATTITUDE. Your attitude that BIL and SIL should, of course, drop all their plans, host a big meal at their house, and have extra people in their house overnight, just to please your MIL/FIL and fulfill THEIR idea of how the holiday should go. You need to reframe your attitude about your SIL especially. Gross. She’s not even a blood relative, dude. It’s her parents and her husband who should be hosting any out-of-towners, and really not even your BIL since he didn’t invite you!!![/quote]

Well, that’s when I thought that SIL/BIL were in on the invitation. I would never invite people to stay in my home and then disappear with DH. But that’s beside the point. Now I am realizing that SIL and BIL were likely pushed into hosting us. Which is not cool.[/quote]

They gave you free lodging in a desirable locale. Then you expected them to turn down social invitations and stop doing what they wanted to do with their holiday? I hope you are starting to see how squarely you have been in the wrong to hold such resentments toward BIL and SIL.[/quote]

Who the heck has family fly in for a holiday and then makes plans with other people and leaves guests alone to fend for themselves??  That's bizarre-O[/quote]

No, it’s not. I live in Maryland (DC Metro area) with my family, and also living nearby are my aunt/uncle, as well as a cousin and her family of six.

We have a rotating cast of visitors, whether it is my parents or my cousins’ parents, or other aunts/uncles/cousins/siblings. To the degree where, ideally, visitors can stay at two or all three local houses rather than cramming into any one of our houses.

Welp, sometimes not all of us are up for hosting-hosting, or we are hosting our own in-laws because it is “their turn” for the holiday or whatever. So sometimes, hosting looks like us being like, “Yeah, Cousin Kevin can stay with us, but we’re still doing X, Y and Z with just the in-laws, so he’ll have to fend for himself, and have his meals with Sherry and her family [the people he is actually visiting].”

Anyone giving you access to their home in any way is gracious. If they’re not up for hosting-hosting you but are still providing you with fee lodging—especially in a desirable locale like Florida or DC—they are doing you a freaking favor. And don’t act like you allowing them to stay with you and you hosting-hosting in Bumbletown, Ohio, is the same type of favor; it’s not. Free lodging at a destination location is more gracious than “when are you going to come stay with us in Bumbletown”? And I say this as someone from Bumbletown.[/quote]

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