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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.

Man, you all are brutal!

At the same time, rereading my post, stripped of personalities and interpersonal dynamics, I can see how it reads to others.  Your responses also helped me see where my error may be - blaming my SIL, instead of blaming my MIL. She's setting us all up for this. Not intentionally, but not without considering the imposition apparently.

Admittedly, I don't have all the info because I don't deal with the arrangement making. I have *assumed* that SIL wanted to host, but perhaps she is being coerced into it by MIL. I might clarify this with DH. I'm pretty sure his understanding is the same.

We have no problem getting a hotel room; our in-laws insisted we stay at their place. But that doesn't solve the space issue regardless, whether we are staying at their place or in a hotel or AirBnB.

In the end, I think we minimize our number of days there, offer to get together for dinner in a restaurant with SIL & BIL when we *are* in town and that's it. They're clearly not interested in spending time together, and that's okay.[/quote]

I’m glad you’ve come to see reason. Your whole attitude of “we have to gather at their house for a holiday meal because that’s where we all fit” smacks of entitlement, when plenty of restaurants do holiday meals, and even if they don’t, you can visit a restaurant the day before or the day after. [/quote]

Not MY idea - it is the ILs idea.[/quote]

I never said it was your idea; it was your ATTITUDE. Your attitude that BIL and SIL should, of course, drop all their plans, host a big meal at their house, and have extra people in their house overnight, just to please your MIL/FIL and fulfill THEIR idea of how the holiday should go. You need to reframe your attitude about your SIL especially. Gross. She’s not even a blood relative, dude. It’s her parents and her husband who should be hosting any out-of-towners, and really not even your BIL since he didn’t invite you!!![/quote]

Well, that’s when I thought that SIL/BIL were in on the invitation. I would never invite people to stay in my home and then disappear with DH. But that’s beside the point. Now I am realizing that SIL and BIL were likely pushed into hosting us. Which is not cool.[/quote]

They gave you free lodging in a desirable locale. Then you expected them to turn down social invitations and stop doing what they wanted to do with their holiday? I hope you are starting to see how squarely you have been in the wrong to hold such resentments toward BIL and SIL.[/quote]

Who the heck has family fly in for a holiday and then makes plans with other people and leaves guests alone to fend for themselves??  That's bizarre-O[/quote]

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