Reply to Can I expect brother to shoulder more of the financial burden when and if our mom needs help?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What is move important to you - not shelling out as much as you could to care for your mom, or a lasting, positive relationship with your only sibling? There’s your answer.[/quote]

I think what’s most important to me in this scenario is asserting boundaries.  In addition to providing vastly different levels of support between my brother and me, she also ignored signs of the sexual abuse I was experiencing (after my first grade teacher evidently called a meeting with her), provided resume support and networking opportunities for my brother (but not me), and even petty stuff like getting my brother nice Christmas presents while getting me crappy ones (typically clothing several sizes larger than I wear).  On top of everything, she was severely emotionally and physically abusive.

If this sounds like sour grapes, it is!  I don’t feel like I owe her anything, frankly, now or ever.  I think it would be much harder for my brother to say the same.[/quote]

Stop deciding what your brother should pay. That will be HIS decision, perhaps, at some point down the road.

You can think about whether you feel any obligation to support your mom. Though if she dies tomorrow of a heart attack, this whole discussion is a moot point.

You clearly have tons of emotional baggage around how you were raised. I am sorry that you suffered trauma as a child. I am glad you are in therapy.

Your brother is not the problem or the solution. Perhaps he is like a hairshirt to you, because he is proof that your mom can be a different type of parent. So you wonder why he got the better version of her. I suspect, that she did not actually suddenly turn into a great mom to parent him. And if I am right, "getting" to live with her longer is no prize.

Congratulations on escaping abusive environments twice. I hope your current husband is loving and stable. Focus on your present, not your past (or future, for that matter). Continue therapy. Find peace.[/quote]

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