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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have these sort of involuntary mental reactions to - for example - social media posts from friends whose kids are in school full time but they don’t have a job/ anything they do - and they’re just doing nothing. I work crazy bananas hard and always have - and make a pretty decent salary. At one point I stopped working when the kids were little - but got pretty depressed and went back. Am I just jealous of them? I don’t want to be judgmental so why does my brain do this? I’m sure it is hiding a deeper feeling and my therapist has said I need to figure out what is triggering me [/quote]

I don't struggle with my feelings.  I'm very comfortable judging them.

Our society functions because people work.  Those who choose not to work are riding on the coattails of those who do.  Most/all of them have value to add to society, yet they decline to do so.  That's selfish.

There's a lot of grey space in this perception.  Some SAHM/Ds are contributing through the legitimate care of their young or SN kids while [b]others are somehow okay justifying their days of yoga and book clubs by pointing to their clean house and transportation of middle-schoolers to soccer practice - things the rest of us do on top of full time employment[/b].  Some wealthy unemployed dedicate their lives to worthy causes, while others post on IG for clout.

I don't think this is a matter for therapy.  It's okay to judge poor behavior.  And enjoying the benefits of our society/culture/country while failing to contribute is exactly that.[/quote]

Can I ask you a logistical question? [b]How does someone with a full-time job keep their house clean, get their kids to school/activities and all the other places kids need to be (with all the stuff they need with them for those activities)?[/b]

I'm not being snarky, I don't understand how this works. My kids are still young and I am trying to figure out how to make this work as they age into school and the best we've come up with is "hire housecleaners and a nanny to drive them to things and stay on top of laundry/food/etc." And as I'm pricing that out and looking at our salaries.... I am confused as to how other families make this work. I don't want to quit my job to clean the house and chauffeur the kids but I also just do not understand how this works logistically if you really do have two full time jobs, especially if they are both in person jobs and not the kind with flexible hours.[/quote]

I'm busy all day both before and after work, our house isn't as clean as I would like, we don't eat as healthily as I would like, I'm exhausted and I don't think I can keep up full time work for much longer. That's reality for me. My work is pretty flexible but I just can't do everything, and my spouse works full-time in an office. My kids are in elementary and middle school. 
[/quote]

This is the truth for most dual income couples. For the ones it's not the truth for, they are outsourcing a lot.

In other words, there is enormous value in having a SAHP, even when your kids are school age. Raising kids and taking care of a family home requires a lot of work. Someone is doing it, no matter what. Either one or both parents are working a double shift, you're hiring people, or the house/family is always right on the edge of going to pieces (producing a ton of stress for all involved).

This is why I will never understand the people who act like SAHPs with school age kids are just lazy. I guess some small percentage of SAHPs have so much money from their spouse's income that they are outsourcing everything in addition to not working. I'll grant that those people might be lazy (or maybe they are building a business you don't know about, or caring for an elderly parent, or have a disability, as others on this thread have pointed out). But most SAHPs are just doing all the stuff that working parents either outsource or squeeze into the hours between when the finish work and fall asleep. Doesn't that stuff have value? If it didn't, you wouldn't do it.[/quote]

PP here.  The SAHMs having full time, permanent (not just when the kids are little) outside help is what I notice. Hard to say that is not lazy. [/quote]

I am a SAHM with lots of help (not full time though, even I cannot afford that).  Kids are NT and grown. Lazy? Maybe. DH and kids don't mind. Anybody who knows me IRL does not mind.  What should I do? Clean the 4000sqft house by myself? Clean the pool myself? Do landscaping myself?  Or make my DH do it when he comes back from work? That is ridiculous!  It is clear that this is just SES-jealousy.  [/quote]

+1. I like you![/quote]

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