Reply to Currently on a miserable beach vacation with 4 yo

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We’ve already done all the obvious baseline things before I ever posted here (prioritizing sleep and meals, first/then, timers, visual schedules, exercise, sunshine, dropping expectations, taking turns, screens). I’m realizing more and more that I just have a very different kid. The things that work on “normal” kids don’t work on him. At the heart of it is that he does not seem to understand things in the way a normal kid does and that breaks my heart into a million pieces. Just thinking he’s more disabled than we wanted to believe and is less capable than I thought. But he’s only 4, there’s hope that he will keep developing. But also….he may not. All of this is so hard...

I guess the answer must lie in something in our parenting. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I feel like we are in a permanent power struggle and I cannot get cooperation from DS in any context or situation. And yes, I’ve read Janet Lansbury, Dr. Becky, the Kazdin Method book, the Explosive Child. I listen to the podcasts. DS wants to continuously do things that are unsafe and I have to stop him and then it’s just pure meltdown/resistance and it’s hard to get out of that dynamic even when I try the Dr. Becky connection type techniques. I’ve tried asking our nanny what she does and emulating it but it never seems to work. Maybe it’s my personality? I don’t have a ton of patience and I get overwhelmed quickly. [/quote]
1. You are safer than nannies and teachers so he may never behave the same with you as he does with them.  
2. You may need to judge "seems to work" on a long-term basis, not whether it worked in the moment.
3. Parent Child Journey class teaches parents how to judge when to respond with empathy, time out, or ignore.  
4. Personally I think that Ross Greene is for higher-functioning children.  At least all the videos on his website skew that way.
5. When your kid gets old enough your family should look at Unstuck and On Target.[/quote]

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