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[quote=Anonymous][quote]

Our nanny does our preschoolers lunch, the kids laundry and generally the preschoolers bath after school. Maybe she is overwhelmed too but she does not really tidy their toys. She cooks a few things for them twice a week, and cleans up after their meals, but dinners are largely on us. She keeps their rooms fairly tidy. She doesn’t do things like go through their closets to store outgrown clothes, or go through piles of toys to put pieces back from the toy and room they originated from (which kind of bugs me because od how chaotic it makes the house.) She doesn’t drive, and while she could technically walk the older kid to school, I end up doing drop off and pickup (partially because it’s not a super short walk, and partially because I enjoy being the person to do it.) she’s not making friends or play dates or proactively taking kids out so I have to tell her what to do almost every day, and that’s another aspect of mental load on me. She does not pack or unpack our kids from weekends at the grandparents. She did more of this before we had our second, when the first was in school a few hours a day, but now I guess doesn’t have the bandwidth or energy. She is certainly not the person taking kids to doctor appointments, which I always miss work for. In short, she is a grandmotherly nanny/babysitter and she is not a daytime replacement for mom. I didn’t particularly want a replacement for myself when I hired her, but it does make things harder to balance.

I work from home and my 4yo always comes to me over her. I sort of sympathize with my nanny because it’s hard to get much done while watching a kid or two (older one is in preschool most of the day.) I don’t want to hire someone else because our nanny is nice and my children are attached to her at this point. It’s for sure part of the problem. I’m spending any time off from work I have while she’s here digging out of messes all over the house that accumulate from toys, school paperwork and art, packing and unpacking from trips and visits to grandparents, etc. I’m guess I’m  overwhelmed by all the admin (which I’ve posted about before) equally or more so than my actual kids. [/quote]

A couple of suggestions/thoughts after reading this info:

1. Possibly encourage the nanny to get the kids involved in doing a quick tidy a few times per day so that you don't have to do a huge cleanup in the evening.

2. Consider a meal service like HelloFresh- it can get repetitive and does cost somewhat more, but it is nice not having to do as much thinking. Some of the meals require more prep than others.

3. I know the feeling of sorting through the papers and clutter all too well. It never ends.

4.You make it clear that the nanny you have is the cause of several of your mental load items that could possibly be offset onto someone else who could do more. The lack of driving sticks out to me a lot- friends of mine with nannies often have the kid enrolled in an activity or two during the week to keep things interesting. Less time spent in your home (and out and about instead) can also lessen some of the mess. Perhaps you could give your current nanny a weekly rotation of walkable activities (the park and such) and have her follow it within reason as weather permits.

5.check out The Lazy Genius Instagram/podcast. I have found her advice to be helpful, as well as comments in the comments section for some great ideas!

Finally, a lot of comments have described the benefits of stopping at two, and I agree! We always knew we would have a third, but WOW would things be so easy right now if I only had my five and four year-olds! Sometimes there is beauty in quitting while you're ahead!

Wishing you all the best.[/quote]

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