Reply to More of a vent because the die is cast

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "More of a vent because the die is cast"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]Yet more selfish boomers who expect someone to cover their poor choices. 
In your position, I’d seriously think about ending the marriage. You don’t “have” to do anything, and you need to know this.  For me, I’d hate being cast as the mean b*** which is what will happen because your in-laws will never blame their son. It will be you as tagged with “eating out to much” “spending too much on the kids’ clothes” or it will be phrased as “if only she’d learn to sew (which also costs money) or “if she just cooked more” (again which also costs money.  Hint, both cooking and sewing take time which many people don’t have due to work schedules which are different from anything boomers experienced.  
At some point, an appliance at your house will break and you and your husband will have one heck of a fight because (probably you) will want a more expensive model only to have him say “but my parents” or you’ll want a vacation or to go see a broadway show, or you’ll want a dog or another baby or something expensive, only to have your husband say “but we can’t afford it” or your in-laws say “now why would you want that” only to have them start telling you about how your husband’s brother was an “oops baby” or how silly the dog was on school mornings when your husband was little or how much fun they had when they saw Cats and how it’s just too bad you guys haven’t done anything like that.  Your life and money, the money you’ve worked hard for both to acquire and to hang onto won’t really be yours anymore. For me, I didn’t get to adulthood so I could think of my in-laws (or my own parents) before I spend money. If this doesn’t matter to you, know that soon enough you won’t feel like this is your marriage. You already don’t, otherwise you’d have phrased this vent differently. Your husband knows this, your in-laws know it, and I suspect your siblings-in-law deliberately structured their lives so they wouldn’t have to pay for mom and dad. Oh, and next time you see a sibling-in-law post about a fun beach vacation, you will be furious, trust me on this.. then you will be portrayed as being petty and mean. It’s an awful way to live. 
 Your in-laws had the freedom to live how they chose. They had a happy marriage, yet don’t wish that for their son. In time, you and your husband will begin to fight with each other or lash out at your kids or something unpleasant.. and for what exactly? So Momma can live a lifestyle to which she can easily become accustomed? What do you get exactly from this arrangement?

The state and federal government will support them. Nobody is going to leave them to die unless they simply sit home and not go to a hospital or seek medical care.. which is of course is their right. It’s your right too when you have a medical event. This isn’t  Nat Geo special where they will be attacked and then left to die like a couple of old tigers. There’s no old people police knocking on doors to check on old people then tag their kids for money.

Know too that the more disconnected people are from money, the more they expect, or the more unrealistic their expectations become. My husband ran over our kid’s bike a couple years ago. The wheel rim was bent and we figured it’d be an easy fix. We’d bought the bike at Walmart and apparently WalMart’s bikes are so specific that you can’t just hammer the rim into shape and then pop a wheel on it. Well, you could, but it would have cost twice as much as it would to just order a new bike. No, the bike shop wasn’t trying to cheat us. Yes, we’d actually bought a bike from a bike shop which caused us so many problems we returned it and got a full refund. The Walmart bike worked fine until it got run over and the replacement bike has worked fine. And no, the kid wasn’t on the bike. I viewed it as an interesting business and physics lesson, one we actually turned in as an extra credit homework assignment for school. I would have lost my mind had I been dealing with Grandma telling me “you all should have been more careful” “the kid doesn’t need a bike “ “make her work to get a new one” “the bike shop is trying to cheat you.. your papa could fix this” only to have papa sit in his chair and refuse to lift a finger. I haven’t even touched on the differences in spending, “do you *really need Starbucks?” “yup, I sure do” “Do you really need a gym membership” “yes, I do”. Old people seem to truly forget all the things they spent money on back in the day. My dad got cable service back in the 1970’s and it was expensive then, though it doesn’t seem that way now. He also was into motorcycles and flying.. he and I bond over aviation and he quit flying when I was a baby. Point being, he was into some expensive s*** back in the day, I don’t begrudge him any of that, yet you should hear him go on about how much coffee costs at Starbucks. It would actually be entertaining if he wasn’t so nasty about it. He’s also not really a coffee drinker which again is fine, yet he doesn’t understand that yes, sometimes a nice drink from Starbucks can really make your day. I’ve seen other older people do much the same thing, they simply can’t link their comforts and fun to costing money the same way that their kids’ comfort and fun also cost money. Many also don’t seem to understand that what worked in 1970 doesn’t work now. Kids need to be in car seats today, you can’t just tell everybody to climb in back. Kids may truly need electronics at an earlier age. Many middle school physics problems can only be solved by “getting a new one” (see my example re the bike and we also had a washing machine that slipped a ball bearing. We meant to fix it only to be told and to discover on our own that it would be cheaper and faster to just buy another one. Remember my comment on working and time? I don’t have time to go to a laundromat, not when I can have a washer to my house in a couple days.

I’m sorry, op. You have more power and ownership then you realize. Sadly, your marriage may no longer be viable. I know mine wouldn’t be and I like my in-laws as well as my parents. I just wouldn’t take on supporting them financially. I’d advocate for them, I’d treat them well, I’d do my best to learn why they think and feel as they do (see my example re Starbucks) but I wouldn’t live in a manner where I had to think of them with every move I made. Life makes you sacrifice a fair bit, you don’t want to take on the problems of other people at your own expense, financial, emotional, and physical
For those who will read this and think I’m a heartless b**, again, op, I told you this would happen. Anybody who does is free to spend their money any way they’d like. What they aren’t free to do is tell someone else what is “right” “kind” best” or other value laden words. I seriously think Jeff should take email addresses so that those who want to give can do so. I’m serious about this. This way anybody who wants to can give any op who says a family member or friend needs money will have a means to put their cash where their mouth is. 
   
[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics