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[quote=Anonymous]The two women who spring to mind in my life (both mid-40s) are both incredible people who are smart, talented, professionally successful, with interesting hobbies. Both are very well traveled and open minded people. Neither have unreasonable standards -- they have good standards.

I think the reason they have not married is a combination of factors:

- They just didn't meet the right person at the right time. Seriously. There's so much luck in this. When I think of the randomness that brought my DH into my life, it's almost alarming. A couple different choices and we'd never have met, or met when we were both dating other people. Never underestimate the degree to which finding someone who you want to marry, and who wants to marry you, at a time in life where marriage is on the table for both of you, is the result of dumb luck.

- As they got older, the pool of good men shrank and they chose not to adjust their standards down. Again, their standards were not too high to begin with and still aren't now. But by your mid-30s, the available men are so much less likely to meet even reasonable standards. Otherwise they'd be married. Men who want to be married get married, and it's not that hard for them because there are more women who want to be married than men, generally. So everyone saying "oh their standards were too high" -- I think you're wrong. I think they had the same standards I did, it's just that I got lucky and met my DH when I was 29 and he was 30.

- Career success in your early 30s makes dating hard. You often travel more, work longer hours, are simply more focused on work. If that phase hits in your late 20s, no problem. If it hits late 30s, no problem. If it hits 30-34, as it did for both these women, it's going to be hard to meet and marry someone in that window, and as I said, once that window ends, the dating pool shrinks.

That's it. It sucks because they are both great. But also, being great people who are smart and level-headed, they've learned to like the good things about being single (more freedom, more control over your life, more money because no kids) and taken full advantage. They have enviable lives. I know there is disappointment there because, yes, they did want to get married (and still may). But I don't feel sorry for them. They are happy. Marriage is not the one answer to life. That's such a limited way of thinking about it.[/quote]

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