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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

I’m the poster above.  My situation was different because my husband had ended the affair already and confessed the day after. He wasn’t in a fog or conflicted.  And, it still was awful.  I immediately kicked him out for 2 weeks.  I was in such shock and also very angry.  I didn’t want to have a confrontation in front of our kids.  He was very remorseful and full of regret.  Infidelity/dishonesty was a deal breaker for me.  I refused couples therapy.  He did his work and kept showing up and being transparent and took on the bulk of the work on the home front which he still does years later.  We had a very happy family and, unlike what you describe with your sibling, we always got along really well and we’re best friends.  I’m not sure if I had a spouse that was in a fog or conflicted about what he wanted if I would have reconciled. It was about 6 months before I agreed to couples therapy.  Things are really good now, but I still have triggers at times.  He does everything possible to help avoid them. I really think it was a midlife/personal crisis which also gives me more confidence about the future, that it isn’t an ongoing character flaw.  I have very strong emotions about cheating and always did.  It’s not okay to ever do it.

Your sister is going through serious trauma right now and she didn’t deserve to be cheated on no matter what you think.  You have no idea what went on in their home when you were not there to witness it.  Often, the charming guy in public is not the same behind closed doors.  People would surprise you.  Be there for your sibling without judgement to support her and help in anyway you can.  I’m sure she’s not sleeping and barely functioning at this point.[/quote]

To the poster above, thank you.  She is not sleeping well and lost significant weight by this time.  Like u said, I'll try to help her in anyway I can.  Again, thank you.[/quote]

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