Reply to Has anyone regretted leaving over infidelity?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Has anyone regretted leaving over infidelity?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There are quite a few who come out of it with a much better marriage.  I stayed and we are very happy.  We always had an active sex life and still do.  I guess the type of cheating matters, the circumstances and the quality/love/happiness of the marriage prior to cheating.  We lost ourselves in the kid heavy years and both carried some unexpressed resentment had communication issues—it was largely a byproduct of kids taking all our focus and the different ways we dealt with that.  Spouse was deeply, deeply remorseful and did a ton of work and still lists it as his biggest regret in life.  I’m not sure we would have addressed our issues and just kept chugging along growing more dissatisfied if the infidelity hadn’t cracked everything wide open.  I would never want anyone to go through that because it is absolutely brutal, but we have a beautiful family and are very happy and I’m glad I ultimately didn’t leave.  Of it happens again, I would leave and that is known as well as ways to communicate clearly if one of us is unhappy.[/quote]

I know many marriages where there is no known cheating that are absolutely miserable and they basically live their own lives at empty nest.  And many of these are the ones that judge others for their choices about staying in a happy marriage with great compatibility that happened to have infidelity at some point. There is a lot of harsh judgement for spouses that choose to stay.  I saw an interview when Beyonce was discussing this with another celeb who had also chosen to work on the marriage.  It's 2022, there is choice and lots of options.  And nobody knows what goes on in anyone else's marriage. IT's like the 'victims' are 'revictimized' by public opinion and that doesn't even include the 'she must have not been putting or been a nag' or all the other BS they like to lay the blame on women for...and most often from other women![/quote]

You don't know if there is cheating or if there are other abuses going on. This would be the business set up which can be done if there isn't a lot of further abuse.[/quote]

True. But I'd take the happier, compatible intimate couple that went through infidelity than the business like ones that can't stand each other and have nothing in common any day!  Of course the former with zero infidelity is the dream, but with cheating rates reported as up to 60% on some surveys it's less realistic in a 50+year marriage.[/quote]

I am in a sexless, roommate type marriage but we are amicable and I would trade it for a marriage that saw infidelity but worked through it and had passion again.

Cheating is only one of many ways you can hurt a marriage. Being rendered sexless is way worse in my opinion [/quote]

I was also in a mostly sexless roommate marriage that was amicable. We had grown apart and were living separate lives but I was sad, and deep down always hoped something would change.  After about 10 years of this way of life, he confessed he had had an affair a couple of years back but had ended it a while ago.  I was devastated and he seemed genuinely surprised I cared that much.  I felt so betrayed even though our marriage had been broken.  As horrible as this was, it brought us to a point where everything was out in the open and we really communicated for the first time in a decade.  There were many painful discussions, but we came to remember the things we loved about each other in the first place.  Passion returned and we now have the relationship I was missing.  The infidelity will always hurt, and it is a challenge for me to put those thoughts aside sometimes.  But without that infidelity, we would have continued on the roommate path that neither of us wanted.   While my initial instinct was to kick him out when I found out about the affair, I am glad that I gave myself time to process it and work through some very complicated feelings[/quote]

It never ceases to amaze me just how many "sexless room mates" stories there are .... followed by her being "devastated" when she finds out he has been cheating. I mean hello?!? Did you just arrive here on planet earth? Pro tip: if he isn't having sex with you, he is definitely getting it elsewhere. Most married men do not even consider this "cheating" when the marriage is basically sexless. It is just survival, his way of saving the marriage.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics