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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]people are only as loyal as their options. The reason why most of people on here leave is because they can’t afford to get a divorce. One of the reasons why UMC people have low divorce rates is because if they do divorce there lifestyle takes a hit. Especially for women who are stay at home moms. They won’t be able to afford the neighborhood they live in on their income alone.

Again, people are only as loyal as their options. [/quote]

Speak for yourself.

Loyalty is a prosocial value upon which the fabric of society is built. It's a survival instinct to want to remain on good terms with our tribe. Many people have strong values and don't operate simply on whim and self-interest. Of course, there are those that do (you, apparently), but they're at the far end of the bell curve.[/quote]

What a BS about loyalty ! The reason why cheaters lead double life is because it allows them to take advantage over both spouse and AP. People who step over dead bodies to get ahead in life usually do succeed, unfortunately. Because others operate by rules and they take advantage of these rules. That’s the reality. [/quote]

I don't see any value in "getting ahead" if I don't have true bonds with others. To me, getting ahead is being a good person who loves and is loved. People who take advantage may have material success, but not the kind that really counts.[/quote]

Thats you. But men don't think like that. They are able to develop and break bonds way faster than women. IMHO. The advantage of cheating is obvious: he's able to plan his life way ahead without the wife or kids in the picture, secure a new partner that he like while stringing the wife along for the sake of kids care, image, finances etc. When time comes he strikes and leaves at the top of real estate market, at the top of his earning capacity, with a new partner he sexually enjoys, gets rid of kids and is in his narcissic mind fully set for retirement. And what's worse, everyone around would think that it must the the exW who really got on his nerves, as that's how it would be presented. So he would retain the same friends circle, the same home and the exW who had no clue would be all f...d up

The same with jobs: these people tend to dump business partners, steal equity from companies, change jobs often to climb up etc.

I do think that living with a cheating spouse is very dangerous for your own well being, in a sense that if you don't know about it you are not able to plan accordingly for a future single life. I would have done different financial and child rearing decisions if I knew about a prolonged cheating behind my back

Of course when it's an open marriage and the wife told him she didn't care it's a different story. But as you an see from PPs, they stay primarily for financial reasons not "loyalty"[/quote]

Ha. Men don't have exit affairs like that.  The women they cheat with are not ones they marry 98% of the time.  Once their wife leaves them or refuses to reconcile they lick their wounds and then go on a screwing/dating spree and most will say they would never marry a cheater, i.e., the OW.  They don't trust her, nor do they think she's 'marriage material'.  They aren't lining up a new partner during marriage because they don't need someone to support them.  Their affairs tend to be about sex, not love.  They can throw her under the bus without a second thought when the chips are down.[/quote]

You're wrong: they absolutely cheat like that. Maybe the indeed end up not marrying AP but in terms of timing their exit from marriage cheaters do a way better job than their spouses. That's the main reason to cheat: taking economic advantage of the wife, time his exit and yet maintain his reputation. Many indeed remain single after divorce or remarry to a different partner. But men divorce when they are on top financially, when it's a man's initiated divorce[/quote]

Men who are on top financially are going to pay a lot of child support and alimony. Being well off financially is often a deterrent, not a catalyst, for divorce.[/quote]

You are totally wrong: the CS and alimony they end up paying is well less than depositing their full paycheck to a joint account. And it's a way better deal to divorce and split assets for any man who makes over 500k and just enjoy life. of course if we are talking about regular federal workers that's a different story[/quote]

OP, what makes your points less than salient is your absolutism. I said "often." You keep making declarative statements that, if a person can find one example to the contrary, are proved false.

For example, you've completely neglected to factor in maintaining two households versus one. So your statement is just silly, as well as your blind confidence in your always being right.[/quote]

This burden of maintaining a separate household falls mostly on a lower paid spouse after divorce/a woman. My example when he made 400K and I made 200K is very simple. Of course it was economically better off for me when my exH was depositing 400K and I was depositing 200K to joint account (600K in total). Let's say, we spent 200K in annual expenses for one household, so we are saving 400K for 2 persons/200K each in savings/assets, right?

He retained that same house and spends now the same 200K on his household or even less as he pays $1300 CS to me instead of spending $4000 in unlimited child expenses when married. He still has 200K left for himself. But I have a smaller house, and my total annual income is now 200K plus his $1300/month CS. I am left with 70K annual savings after all my expenses. My future savings rate, my lifestyle changed a lot, whereby his didn't at all.

There is a lot of research showing that burden of divorce is always shifted to lower paid spouse. Alimony and CS would never make up for the lost lifestyle. Thus women tend to tolerate adultery and other forms of spousal abuse as long as it's tolerable[/quote]

Oh, forgot to conclude that in case of very high paid husbands he loses near zero from maintaining a separate household, thus in my estimates it's better off economically to divorce and save at higher rate for any man who makes $300k+ in DC area. If he wants to dump his family of course.[/quote]

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