Reply to parents invited sister to a fall weekend- boundaries crossed

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Chiming in - my sibling has always received 100% free childcare from my parents. Not only that, my parents paid for preschool, serve as drop-in care on school's out days, take them on weekends, sick days, arrange playdates, etc. When they are visiting us, they check in constantly. They talk about my nephews as if they are their children instead of grandchildren. These are the facts. But I also know as much as it hurts me, my parents do not think my sibling and partner are capable of parenting without their help, and are scared of what would happen to my nephews without them. OP is that part of the dynamic?

I've spent A LOT of time in therapy mourning the family I thought I would have. My parents do love us but their priority is my nephews. My ILs love us but they live in another country. DH and I are on our own but we make it work. I don't want my kids sensing family drama or feeling like my parents stress me out or don't love them. We make the best of it when they are around. These are the statements I return to when I start to feel weak or hurt.[/quote]

NP here. I could have written that entire post above. That is pretty much my exact same situation. My kids were first grandchildren, my parents stopped all visits once my sister had her first kid. My sister lives in a house owned by my parents, my parents take her kids to school, are the first person the school calls when there is an issue with one of the kids (sick, etc), they sign them up and take them to activities, camps, vacations, etc and they pay for everything.  EVERYTHING.  My family and my children get none of that. I don't need any money, and I've never asked for childcare, but having them visit where they aren't glued to their phone talking to my sister or her kids the entire 90 minutes they're here would be a miracle.

People who don't have the family dynamic that OP, PP and I have won't understand. There have been other threads on this, I think the most recent one in the family section was about if you have a family that centers around one person (if you want to do a search). It sucks for the left out adult children and grandchildren. There are years of resentment, hurt feelings, disappointment, and it seems like the person who isn't motivated enough or who manipulates or who is lazy gets all the attention while the adult child who is responsible does not. People are only human. It is ok for OP to be resentful, to be hurt. I wouldn't feed into this drama. I wouldn't go on this weekend, I wouldn't plan anything moving forward with my parents if I was OP. My mother would totally bring my sister and her kids, paying for them, without asking. Just don't go. It won't end well. [/quote]

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