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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]When I was OW, I didn't feel like I was harming the DW because I had no intention of breaking up her family.  And when you think about it, I gotta give Sumner credit -- she could've dimed him out ages ago, but she didn't.  She kept her mouth shut, she was discreet, no harm came to Behati.  It wasn't until Sumner's friend tried to sell the story that Sumner herself came forward.

But honestly though, if Behati had an expectation of monogamy, she's a fool.  [/quote]

Yeah right.  He never would have married you.  It wasn’t even a consideration for him.  Lol[/quote]

Nor for me.  We were both clear upfront that we weren't leaving our marriages.  [/quote]

I’ve seen that before.  Then the woman starts putting the pressure on and changing the circumstances and wanting more.  Such a load of crap.[/quote]

The OW in my world also was married and claimed at the get-go it would be no-strings.  As time went on she started the pressure, started bringing up leaving her spouse and hinting for ex to do the same.  I found that she monitored everything about me and my kids.  When we were getting a new puppy she tried to talk my husband out of doing it because she saw that meant he was invested in the marriage still.  If he had a family obligation she would try to belittle it which cause many fights at the end.  She openly stated she was jealous of the wife.  All from someone that claimed it would just be about sex.  Yeah right.  This Sumner woman saw Adams wife was pregnant again and the writing was on the wall that she wasn’t going to get him to leave the wife so she went scorched earth.[/quote]

That's true but the core issue is that your exH was not monogamous. He was equally enjoying his family time AND his time with OW. I had a similar situation: my marriage to exH as very much alive, he seemed to be happy and never tried to discuss if anything bothered him. That beats me the most that he didn't even try to communicate what I was doing wrong, to give us a chance! Probably I wasn't doing anything wrong and marital therapy would have revealed his adultery with multiple women. Cheaters try to avoid couples therapy as anathema.

The OW controlled all aspects (creepy as I didn't even know what was causing our conflicts): she would throw a tantrum when learning my exH took me for a romantic trip to Caribbean; brainwashed him that I am too crazy about our child being a competitive athlete. ExH would have to devote a lot of time driving son to practices and it wasn't in HER interests to keep father involved in family too much. She was also married but her own kids were grown up college students.

I felt so sick when this double life was discovered (it lasted for 8 years before our son found out!). I realized that my exH made so many harmful for family's well-being decisions because of that "side influence". 
[/quote]

This is heart breaking to read.  So sorry.  And, yet, that OW would be one on this site swearing she didn't cause any harm to you because she never was going to break up a marriage/family...all the while doing the things you described and trying to steer him away place negativity in his mind about you and familiy.[/quote]

I'm that OW you're referring to, and no I never acted like that at all.  I truly did not want either of us to leave our marriages.  Our affair was conducted only during business hours, with no bleedover into evenings or weekends.  Far from tantruming when he did things for his wife, I actually coached him on how to do nice things for her.  (No, not expecting a medal for that, just explaining that YOUR experience is not universal.)[/quote]

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