Reply to Diversity of schools - can this work both ways? Am I being unreasonable?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My kid is at a heavily AA school (&gt;90%) and is white. I thought we could do it, especially when we got to PK and it turns out these grades are more diverse (i.e. she was not the only white kid in class, though she was one of only two and the only white girl).

But we're bailing. Not only do the classes get less diverse as you move up, but I'm realizing a lot of it isn't really even about race, it's culture and class. We've worked really hard to build relationships with other families at the school and even been successful to a degree. But we can never, ever shake the feeling that we, and our DD, are outsiders. Like even though we spend time with these families outside of school, the kids have developed friendships, etc., and everyone gets along and is friendly, there is just this very clear dividing line where we are the &quot;nice white family&quot; and DD is &quot;the white girl&quot; no matter what. We've given it three years and we are finally accepting that it's not going to get better.

Again, this isn't about people being unkind or my child being bullied. She's lonely at times, but not bullied. We just don't feel like we fit in because the school is overwhelming families from a specific race and background and we are not. It's just really lonely. It can also be stressful because there is no way for DD to blend in or get lost in the crowd, and sometimes as a kid that's what you want. She also will gravitate instinctively towards other white kids at school only to find that she doesn't really fit with them either.

But while we are leaving after this year, I will say that everything I just wrote has been very enlightening for me (and hopefully for DD) in terms of what it is like to navigate overwhelmingly white spaces as a black person, or to be an immigrant. I'm not saying it's the exact same experience, but it's closer than anything I've ever done before. I hope we all carry that knowledge forward and it contributes to empathy and understanding. But we want to feel like we belong -- I think that's a really normal, human feeling and I don't feel guilty for deciding to move to a school where we can have that. I hope everyone else finds that too.[/quote]

This is the lived experience of many people of color, except that we often don't have any other options to being the "only" or minority.[/quote]

Agreed, but I also would not judge any POC who was in this situation and decided to leave for a more diverse environment where they would not feel so isolated. And while this was true for a lot of trailblazers in fields a generation ago, POC do have more options now and will rightfully exercise them. For instance, if you were a black corporate lawyer in the 80s, you may not have had any choice but to be the only black person at your firm. Same with POC going into media, medicine, and other fields. But now that's less true. There are absolutely POC who will leave less diverse workplaces and go to companies with not only more POC but more POC in leadership positions. That's something I support and applaud, and is a reason I think it's important to create diverse spaces.

The point is, if someone who is an extreme minority (i.e. the only or one of only a small handful) decided they are going to go somewhere where there is a bit more critical mass of their race, or gender, or religion, or nationality, I'm not going to judge them. They are making a choice based on what it feels like, day after day, to feel like you don't fit. That's stressful. Everyone deserves to feel like they belong, but ESPECIALLY children going to school.[/quote]

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