Reply to What's the problem with dating a separated person?

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Reply to "What's the problem with dating a separated person?"

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[quote=Anonymous]Who is the “everyone?”, and why do you value their opinion? This is something my dad taught me, lots of people will say lots of things. Some of it will be good advice. Think about who is telling you something and why, do they have experience with the issue? Do they have something to gain or loose?

Me, I personally wouldn’t date a person who is separated. They are still legally married, meaning they can’t marry me.  When his friends and family find out, at least one of them will wonder if you broke up the marriage, and if he dies, everybody will say it quite openly. His kids will wonder just when you started dating.. look at every blended family post on the board, it’s just a matter of when someone asks “did you date while he was still married?” All these people saying different strokes for different folks are the same people who say “did you start dating when he was married?” I’ve seen this happen. 
If you get pregnant and you and he share custody, you’ll also be sharing it with his wife.. but only on paper if they are separated which shouldn’t bother you, just like his marriage is “only on paper”. 
All kidding aside, if that doesn’t give you pause, not much else will. You also won’t be entitled to life insurance, you won’t get to support him if he goes under anesthetic, you can never be a legal family, which is one reason lgbtq people fought so hard for the right to marry, not live together, not date, not screw, marry.    
Separation isn’t like a disability or an unforeseen circumstance, he’s separated because he didn’t get divorced sooner. That’s on him and a woman you probably don’t even know. Why would you want someone who wants to visit his problems upon you? If he was a gentleman, he wouldn’t be hanging around someone he likes until he is 100 percent single. 
You can’t make him get divorced faster, or at all. It’s not like a home project where you can do it for him or find a contractor.

If he wanted a relationship that could just end, he could have not gotten married. He did, and divorce is one benefit of marriage, there are courts to make sure it ends equitably, which doesn’t mean everybody will be happy. 
From a day-to-day perspective, you’ll be doing the pick me dance forever. Do you want that? He can always use his separated status as to why he can’t marry you, and he’d be right.

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