Reply to What's the problem with dating a separated person?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am divorced. I think it is fine. My divorce took two years. In retrospect it was completely stupid not to date. The marriage had been dead for years already.[/quote]

I don't think there is anything wrong with dating while separated but I would not want to date someone who was separated but not divorced. I also would not date someone who had just been divorced, even if they'd been separated for a couple years, even if they told me "the marriage had been dead for years already."

It's one thing for a person in the midst of a divorce to be like "I want to see what else is out there." And for a single person who is just dating to date and not looking for anything serious, dating someone separated or divorced would be fine. Good, in some ways, if you are looking for no strings attached.

But when I was dating, I was looking for a serious relationship. A person who is still legally and financially tied to a spouse was not what I had in mind. Nor was someone who had just signed the paperwork to end that union. Nor was someone who had just exited a relationship where they lived with someone but claimed the relationship had been "dead for years." After a couple years and some therapy/independnece for that person? Sure, I have nothing against divorced people and everyone deserves a second chance at happiness. During or immediately following the divorce? No, take care of your business, take care of yourself, get back to me when you are in a truly independent and forward-looking headspace and not just trying to escape something that didn't work out or prove something to yourself or your ex or reclaim your sexuality or whatever. I don't want to be the person who helps you deal with those issues. I want a true partner.[/quote]

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