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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My father died recently and while going through his possessions I found evidence I have a half sibling that was never disclosed. Person was born before my parents marriage and is a few years older than me. Story was that father essentially abandoned the child with the mother and never really acknowledged the child's existence other than child support payments. Ok that was 30+ years ago. I did some public internet searches...Google, Facebook, etc. The mother and half sibling seem normal.

Question here is would you make contact? I have no idea if this person even knows about their past or what the mother has told the half sibling.

I am not sure what I hope to gain out of making contact, maybe it is just selfish.[/quote]
I would make contact, but in such a way that the half sibling doesn't feel obligated to connect or meet you. Just be honest that your dad died and you just found out about them. Make an offering of some photos of your father and his parents and some family history. Don't have an expectation of a relationship. Just hope for an interesting meeting, and perhaps, eventually a new acquaintance.

I have a half-sibling (given up for adoption by my mom in the 1960s), who made contact in the 1990s. It's been a nice relationship - like another cousin. I found a half-sibling of one of my mother's cousins through DNA testing two years ago. My great-uncle had had an affair with the neighbor. Both families knew about the affair and spouses reconciled, but everyone thought the baby was legitimate. Those half-siblings (in their 70s now) met last year, and really enjoyed seeing someone who had so many similarities.

With DNA testing, this type of "secret" really isn't so secret anymore. And you don't even have control over discovery. All it takes is a cousin getting a test and then trying to figure out who the odd match is ...

Good luck![/quote]

You are correct...[b]DNA testing uncovers all these secrets so there is zero need to wonder what to do. It's already out there.[/b]
However,  please stop using the terms legitimate  and illegitimate.  They are really stupid, and kind of a throw back to a time when people were described as legitimate people or not. This kind of judgement does not fly today because people are not judged whether or not they have sex outside of marriage. The offspring of such is quite the legitimate person. [/quote]

DP. About the bold in your post -- No, not everyone has their DNA "out there" or wants it out there for public consumption!

And saying "there is zero need to wonder what to do" -- do you actually mean that you think people should go ahead, if they want, and contact genetic relatives without a thought, because "it's already out there"? Do you think that those who have given samples for DNA tests all anticipated those tests could end up being used the way it's talked about on this thread? News flash: No, they didn't all anticipate this. And saying, "Well, they should have, so it's too bad if they don't want the free-for-all of anyone matching DNA with theirs!" is just mean. So many lives are getting upended by this "I found you on Ancestry" stuff. [b]Many people who did those kinds of tests did so while seeking information on what countries and groups their ancestors were part of -- not because they thought that specific, current relatives would come out of the woodwork here and now. [/b][/quote]

You do know that people who do their DNA to find out their ethnicity can choose whether they want to see their DNA matches or be shown as DNA matches to others, right?. Of course you have no control over what a relative does, but yours can be completely hidden.[/quote]

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