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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I went to a small independent a Jesuit prep school that was regarded as the best school in the state. It had an incredibly kind culture and people who were mean were subjected to peer pressure to be more inclusive rather than the other way around. While mean people are everywhere, mean cultures are not inevitable, and school cultures can be dramatically different.

The culture in the DMV is one of the meanest I’ve ever encountered, and I say that as someone who grew up in another part of the country but went to grad school in DC and lived in many other places (the Bay Area, Texas, the rural mid-west, Chicago, Seattle, Boston, London, the northeast, and the Deep South) before moving back here. People here are meaner than their counterparts in other parts of of the country. They are more insecure, socially-competitive/social-climbing, and discontented than anywhere else we’ve lived. People here here have zero chill and the culture seems to foment unhappiness and outrage. It’s not surprising that toxic adults are raising mean middle-schoolers. That said, it would be nice to hear about the schools that do a better than average job of keeping the toxicity at a minimum, for boys and for girls.  Some schools are surely doing better than others.

Also, serious question for parents who have experience with both: is there less meanness in the area public middle schools? Is it easier to avoid meanness there?[/quote]

I'm from DC and you describe it well. It's soul squelching. [/quote]

This is right on - zero chill here in the DMV.  
I love the point of a school's culture creating peer pressure for inclusivity.  
But, assuming the PPs aren't in a school cultivating kindness, I would suggest making sure your daughters (and sons) have interests, activities and supportive friend groups outside of school.  Ideally friend groups should be neighborhood kids who go to a wide array of schools (including and most especially public) to dilute the social pressures a school social life has on a child.  It can be toxic and the more peer interaction, the higher the likelihood of positive interactions that may help outweigh the lifelong harm/trauma of exclusionary and other bullying behavior.   (Also, if you're selecting between private schools, go for the biggest among them.  Greater selection of kids is always better.).   And again the point the PP made about a school's culture for inclusivity is right on; without it, and left to their own devices and the devices of their competitive parents, kids go "Lord of the Flies."

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