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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
Looking at the much bigger, longer-term picture here:

[b]When a spouse is insisting that Family Comes First, and means "my family of origin" and not "the family my spouse and I have together," you are in for problems that will continue long, long after any wedding kerfuffle.[/b]

OP, does your DH take a stance of "My family is so very important we must be at X event, no matter what" attitude about other things? At other times? Is this something that was already an ongoing theme before this wedding issue? I'm betting it might be, and that you will run up against DH's My Family First inclination again. Is he the type who also insists you have to attend all the graduations, weddings, Thanksgivings, holidays etc. "fairly" and "equally" between your family of origin and his, even if it creates logistical issues, incurs irrational costs, etc.?

For that matter -- if his parents are living on a fixed income and are now in good health, have you and he and his sibling(s) worked out what happens with the parents' care, house, assets etc. when they are older and begin to need much more help? That's a time when some of the my-family-first issues can really come to a head, OP.

I know. All that is not about this wedding etc. But just noting here that if the DH has this attitude about a wedding, especially one designed to limit anyone's attendance (let's face it, that's what many destination weddings are for) -- well, the attitude will still be around after the wedding is long over.[/quote]

This is just looking for trouble.  OP says they have the money, but spending it on this would be felt.  Her DH isn't abandoning his immediate family, he's saying since they can afford it he would like to spend the money for his family to attend his sister's wedding.  That may or may not be the right call, and OP definitely gets a say, but it's not a sign that he categorically prioritizes his family of origin over his wife and kids.

People on this board just look for opportunities to create power struggles.  Every choice to help one member of your family is not proof that the other members don't matter to you.[/quote]

If it would be a stretch it is an issue, especially when they have kids and their own expenses.  Personally I would not go and send my husband and his parents.  Its selfish to do a wedding like this without asking the guests if they can afford it.  It wouldn't be a question.  I'd tell SIL, we would have loved to go but its a stretch for our budget and just not a good use of our money and we look forward to seeing a video and celebrating when they get back.[/quote]

Oh, geez. How rude and uncalled for to TELL a couple that attending their wedding isn’t a “good use” of your money. Please, just don’t. [/quote]

They dont need to tell the couple but they also do not HAVE to attend, nor do they have to fund anyone else's attendance. [/quote]

I responded to a post which suggested OP should say this to SIL, in those exact words. [/quote]

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