Reply to DS doesn't want to return to college in a few weeks. What can we do??

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
"I really think you need to let your adult son make his own life choices."

If he wants to be treated like an adult, then bring it on. Adulting means earning your own way. He can go rent an apartment and buy himself a car. Does he even have health insurance and PTO in case he gets sick and can't be in the restaurant earning tips?[/quote]

OP, I am in a similar boat like yours but my situation is a bit different.  [b]My DS decided not to come back to Purdue for his second year and instead work for Apple as a software engineer in a full time position.  He is getting paid 200K/yr starting salary.  [/b]He is that good with software development.  I want him to go back to Purdue to continue his college education in Computer Engineering but he refuses to do so and DH supports DS with this decision.  I think DS is being shortsighted because he could be making a lot more than 200k/yr after graduation.  DH and I have been fighting everyday over the past month on this and it is causing a rift in our marriage.
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I think this is a different situation.  Not everyone in IT has a college degree and it is a field where you can make a good living and there is some career longevity.  He can also decide to work on his college degree online if he looks around and sees that it would hold him back from moving up or moving to a different company without the degree. The food service industry is a tough one long-term, not always stable, the hours can be tough if you want to have a family, and it can be a harder road to both work and go to school if you are working all those hours.  I have a sibling that dropped out of college and works at restaurants etc. and it hasn’t been easy or stable.

To OP, I think your son can make his own choices and if you force college when he doesn’t want to go you are wasting your money. That said, he can’t have it both ways - be a self-supporting adult but also have his parents financially supporting him - that’s a no for me.  Reasonable is what things would pay for/allow once they graduated for college and for how long - be upfront.  For us, our kids would need to pay for car insurance on their own, pay to have their own car, and be on their own insurance policy within a year of graduating. We would probably keep them on our health insurance as long as we could (I think it’s 26 unless they are married)  but they would need to be aware of the costs to have insurance and co-pays etc.  I would want them to understand this before they had to do it on their own.  I would keep them on our cell phone - lots of grown adults are on family plans - until we were old enough for the senior plan.  They also have to pay rent if they are living at home unless they are paying for grad school, saving for a house, or paying down debt and that has a 1-2 year limit depending on the situation.  I would charge below market - but it wouldn’t be free.

I think it’s fair that you sit down and budget with your son and what things look like during his extended school break and after the 1 year break.  During the one year break, I would look at it as if my adult kid was trying to get financially on their feet - some breaks but also preparing for what they need money wise to be on their own year 2.

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