Reply to Found alcohol- about to bring it up to my DH

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.

My gut was right. He said it was his second bottle this month and he doesn't know why. He said he hasn't been drunk but having a glass secretly in the shower (he showers immediately before bed) or taking sips at other times like before he comes upstairs afterwork or while he walks the dog or while hes watering the garden. He said he put it in the freezer after I cleaned it out and was felt relieved that I found it because it wa sweighing heavily on him. Idk where we go from here.[/quote]

Op I’m so glad you found it and that he was honest with you. You clearly have a very strong marriage and you can get through this. And I’m so sorry, I know how scary this is. I was the poster who had a very similar situation but with sneaking significant marijuana (I know marijuana might not sound like an issue to people but in this situation it was).

I would start with him seeing an individual counselor with training in substance use. We had Kaiser so went through them but you can start with psychology today. Unfortunately people are very backed up for now so it may take some time to find one but you’ll get there. The therapist can then refer to appropriate groups after they assess. Since nothing has become full blown it may not make sense for him to do AA for example. My husbands therapist was very helpful in finding a mens group that was more appropriate for my husbands needs given the situation (“addiction” wasn’t exactly accurate).

Spend tonight talking about how to keep communication open. That the first step is stopping the sneaking and being in this together. Tell him he’s not alone, you know he feels shame (people hide things when ashamed) but you love him and you’re scared and upset, but you are grateful he told you and that’s the most important thing. Keep the lines of communication open and ask him what you can do to help. Try to figure out what may be causing him to feel extra stress, or pressure, or need for release. Has this ever happened in the past but in a different way?

You got this. My husband is doing so much better, our communication is open and honest and you clearly have a strong foundation to start from.

I will also say while I said other posters should stop saying “he’s not your dad!!” I do think now that he’s been honest, try your best to remember that while it’s ok to be scared and maybe triggered by this, he really isn’t your dad. And this doesn’t mean he will become your dad. [/quote]

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