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[quote=Anonymous]1 - only go the years SIL/cousins go - talk to SIL in advance and tell her this is your plan so please commit early. You can tell the ILs that now that your kids are getting older, they have other interests you want to explore, or they are old enough to do bigger trips on off years that you have been wanting to do, or whatever.

2- Tell them before the trip, and again when you get there that IT IS THE COMMENTARY is ruining it for you. It sounds like you have been clear about your plans but maybe not clear enough that their complaining every day is ruining the trip for you. And then the first morning if they harp about missing the sunrise, remind them to STOP WHINING instead of just reminding them that you like to sleep in. I agree with PPs that maybe they just have a running commentary and don’t realize how annoying it is.

My FIL is like this with prices. Anytime we go anywhere he can’t help complaining about how everything I buy is so expensive. It took me a while to understand that he isn’t criticizing me, he just cannot help but say all the thoughts that are in his head without regard for how they make other people feel. He is retired and his favorite hobby is shopping for bargains, so the few times a year we end up in a grocery store together, he basically the narrates the entire trip about how I could save money doing XYZ. I just nod and say ‘good tip, next time!’

3 - Put your schedule in writing! On a white board, paper taped to the fridge, whatever!

It sounds like there want more together-ness generally, so maybe some ways to make that happen:

4- See if they would like to join you for any of your activities. If you tell them in advance that you are planning a morning of mini-golf, a trip to the aquarium, a morning of shopping, and two mornings at playgrounds, maybe one of those activities would interest them? I am not a beach person and I cannot imagine spending all day there, maybe they could be convinced to give up one morning.

5- Would they be up for cocktail hour on the beach some days? See if you can convince them that snacks and booze taste even better while you watch the kids play in the sand.  You keep mentioning and the ILs drink more than you, but it doesn’t sound like they are pressuring you to have booze, just hang out after several hours apart? Could you make an evening of it with Shirley temples for the kids and sparkling water or whatever festive non-alcoholic drink for yourself? Pick a day and put it on the schedule! Or if there’s a day that is going to be super hot or rainy, cut short your afternoon beach time and join them for happy hour at the house.

6- Offer to wake up early ONE morning for the sunrise and early beach morning. If it’s something they really enjoy, maybe it would mean a lot to them to share that memory with your kids. You would have to be clear that it is a ONE DAY experience - write it onto the schedule!! My late sleeping kid loves a beach sunrise so he actually drags himself out of bed on a night or two on vacation to see it. [/quote]

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