Reply to How do I shut down toxic positivity from friends in a nice way?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "How do I shut down toxic positivity from friends in a nice way?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would suggest talking to your therapist about this stuff, because you seem very mired down in the worst case scenarios here in a way that suggests you could have some unmanaged depression and/or anxiety that needs to be addressed.

Yes, you will be a single parent to two kids, and it will be hard to do everything on your own. But not as hard as doing everything on your own while also having to share space with an abusive drunk who doesn’t help, so your life will be easier post-divorce.  No, it won’t be easy, but it isn’t easy for most people even if they don’t go through a divorce.

Yes, you will have to pay three years of alimony.  But three years is relatively little time in the over scheme of it, and then you will get the benefit of keeping your higher earnings for yourself rather than sharing them with an un/underemployed layabout.  You will be better off afterward for it.

Yes, [b]you have to give up half your retirement[/b] and that sucks.  But when you are not married, your post-retirement needs go down significantly, which will help offset the impact of the split.  You will need to make up ground, but if your earning are significant enough for your STBX to get an alimony award, you should have the resources to do it.  Especially if you have kids young enough that solo parenting is so daunting, because retirement is presumably 15-20 or more years away anyway.

Yes, it’s possible you will never meet someone else, but presumably being single is more appealing than staying in a bad marriage so being single isn’t all that bad.  And the that’s your worst case, that you stay single but still apparently have plenty of friends to give you a social network, and you can live your life on your own terms.  That is not a bad thing.

So yes, what you are going through is really tough.  But your friends are not wrong when they point out that there is life post-divorce and that you might even be happy if you’re open to it. [/quote]

This is one of the best responses in this thread. Just one nit picking thing - OP, the bolded is probably not true.  I am an actuary, and in divorce cases people usually give up half of retirement earned while married, which is not the same.  Given that you worked before the marriage, have years to go until retirement and your highest earning years are ahead of you, you may be giving up only 20-25% of your retirement.   Are you splitting a defined benefit or defined contribution plan?[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics