Reply to Grandparent bypassed parent to make plans directly with young child

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Send him a text:

“Dad, in the future, do not make plans or promises with Rachael without checking with me first. I wanted to communicate this to you so that you will feel comfortable with me in the future, knowing what my expectations are. I hope I can also feel comfortable knowing that you will respect my decision on this. Thank you.”[/quote]

Send a text under the same roof? Wtf?[/quote]

You really couldn’t get there that I meant after the visit was over? You really couldn’t piece that together? [/quote]

DP.  I got it, but I still think it's a stupid, non-real world suggestion.  [/quote]

Clearly Dad is worked up and defensive now, so this visit is shot. The best way to go forward is for OP to *communicate* *ahead of time* her expectations for the future. Sure, she can try calling, but Dad sounds like the hot-tempered type. What’s YOUR suggestion, hmm?[/quote]

OP's dad sounds like my father in law. If I sent him this text, he'd respond as though I'd attacked him. He's done it before --he gets all bent out of shape about something, and says harmful things to me. Then I try to take the high road by texting him something direct and simple dashed with some kindness (like the text suggestion above). But he responds with absolute disdain, self pity and accusations. He'd say something like "Thanks a lot for RUINING My relationship with MY grandchild. Well don't worry, I will never offer to spend time with him again."

Eventually he gets over it and things get better.

But I've learned not to talk to him or text him during his tantrums. He just takes everything the wrong way. Op, would your dad be responsive to such a text? [/quote]

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