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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here,

I am worried that this other mom is going to read this.  I didn't think of this earlier.

I want to be clear that I'm not bothered that she offered.  I think it was very generous of her.  I'd like to understand it, and whether it's just the norm that rich people pay for other kids, or if it's something she's doing because she thinks it will have a bigger impact on our budget than hers.

My kid really likes this kid. I want the friendship to continue and develop.  So, I just want to do the right thing to help that happen.  I also want to be really clear that he'd be there whether or not she paid, because I don't want her kid to feel like maybe the money is why he's there.  The other kid is a little shyer than mine, and the mom has made comments about my kid being really kind and patient and generous.  And you know what?  He's an awesome kid. But he's not there out of kindness, or generosity.  He's there because  he met another awesome kid too and they hit it off.  So, I don't want a hint of worry in her mind that maybe my kid wouldn't come if she didn't pay, or that he's not as excited to see her kid, as her kid is to see mine.

So, I don't know what carries that message best.  Saying "OK you can pay" or "I really want to pay"?  I like the idea of taking that money and picking another activity that I set up, but I think the kids really like what they've been doing when they come to my house which is just hanging out.  I think kids need both things, activities, and time to just chill together.  [/quote]

As someone who is not wealthy I have actually offered something similar to a good friend of DD's who I'm pretty sure is around the same income level.
We did this because the lesson is more fun when DD has a friend and because it is an activity where it's helpful to have more than one person. Think something like basketball where it's not as fun for the child to train by herself.

The other parent, like you, offered to pay but I declined given that it was again 1. a good friend and 2. because my child would really enjoying having the friend along.
It worked out great. The other parent did end up driving sometimes which was very nice.
The other family hosts DD a lot and they do a lot of other things together. It's not about the money but about the experience and time of having the kids together.[/quote]

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