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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If someone in your household has to make preparations and decide whether or not to make a list of things that need to be done when they go out of town, that person is doing more.

If someone can go out of town, and no one really notices their absence, that person is doing less (day to day).  [/quote]

This is a very straightforward way of putting it and it is SO telling.

My DH regularly has to travel last minute for work and I just roll with it. It can be inconvenient in some ways because he does do stuff around the house and with the kids and it means we can't divide and conquer on those busy days where someone has to make dinner and one or more kids have an activity, for instance. But it's also actually easier in many ways. I find that things move more smoothly and there is less conflict. I can get on my schedule and get through my list and I actually tend to have more energy because I am not investing energy into planning couple time with DH. I go to bed earlier, often sleep better, and don't have to negotiate my schedule with his.

Meanwhile, my DH begged me not to take a job with 10% travel requirements because when I have travelled in the past he has absolutely lost it by Day 2. Even basic stuff like getting kids to school on time with appropriate items is challenging for him. [b]The house is instantly a wreck and the kids are in bad moods because they are off schedule and are often overtired or hungry because he doesn't know how to make mealtimes or bedtimes happen (he does this thing where he'll say "ok, time for bed" like 45 minutes after bedtime, and then gets annoyed when the kids don't instantly get into bed, but in fact put up a fight because they are too tired). If I give him a schedule of stuff that needs to happen, he immediately gets overwhelmed, even if it's just something like bringing snack to school or picking one kid up from an activity at a different time instead of from school with the others.
[/b]
Be both work and I would LOVE a job where I could travel a bit more because I really miss that aspect of my pre-kid life, but we've found that he just does not have the skills or focus to keep our home life humming while I'm away. But to me it's second nature. I love him, but I definitely think I'm more essential to making our lives work than he is. He does make more than me but only like 15% more, nothing major. And I would make more if I could take the kind of job I'd like to take.

There are days when I feel like men are kind of superfluous to society because I know so many marriages like this. In some the men make a lot more money or the women are SAHMs and I get that changes the equation. But I know tons of professional women who are also amazing house managers and parents and their husbands are nice people but simply not on that level at all.

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I'm the 11:50 poster above. Exactly this (bolded).[/quote]

Same here but spouse has a few diagnoses and won’t manage his symptoms. Even with an $$$$ executive functioning coach. Who will be firing him any week now. [/quote]

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