Reply to OP from an earlier thread back with an update.

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[quote=Anonymous]
[b]"I ended up speaking with his ex wife yesterday and s[u]he told me he had a bad drinking problem when they were married and hid liquor all over the house. I never would have suspected that[/u], he never seemed to be a problem drinker to me but he admitted he will drink a lot and hide it."[/b]

Oh dear God, OP, this is just shattering.

He was (and that means, he IS) an alcoholic and he's now substituted pot for alcohol. And he never came clean to you about his drinking before he married you and had two children with you. It sounds like he hid his addictions well. What a profound violation of your love and trust. I'm so, so sorry. His addictive tendency is so very not about you, or your kids, or the supposed stresses of the new baby or anything else except his cravings. He was married to his addiction [i]before he even met you[/i], before your kids even existed.

Don't let him gaslight you, don't even discuss meal planning or dog walking or anything day-to-day any more; he will make every single thing about him and about how you are expecting too much, etc. Spend that time instead arranging his very swift departure and whatever referrals to rehab you want to give him, but this added information from his ex may not bode well for rehab. His statement that you should be the one to move out and not him is the ultimate in completely addled, unrealistic thinking. Expect much more addled thinking just like that. If you can, seek a lawyer with experience handling separations in couples where one is an active addict. I really wish you and your kids a good outcome, whatever that outcome looks like. Many of us here are thinking of and concerned for you. [/quote]

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