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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, to summarize the recommendations:

1.you both need to find a middle ground/possibly do couple therapy. There are some unreasonable expectations on your part and some unreasonable messiness on her end
2. work on organizing solutions for her that allow her to see things  outside closets and readily accessible
3. have cleaning lady come more often and ask her to fold stuff.
4. consider a larger apartment 2br/2baths so that each of you could have own space

[/quote]

Good list and seems doable.

Are you familiar with what the basic Executive Functioning skills or deficiencies are in people? 
I was not and married someone untidy and “spontaneous,” plus brilliant at their job and we’ll educated.
Turns out untidy was the tip off the iceberg in what overwhelmed them up on the homefront and organizational front. With our two jobs, two kids, large house, yard, vehicles, Nannie and 4 schedules to manage it is CHAOS if processes, decisions and even execution is left with the person with exec functioning difficulties.

So if she’s not ALSO losing things, making shoddy unplanned “plans,” non responsive to texts or emails frequently, forgetting convos and mutual decisions made, or never suggesting things to do (that actually make sense) and a way to do them (ie planning skills, not dump on you some high level idea), then you’re ok and all you have to tackle is improving storage, tidiness stuff.

Ideas without action is nothing. Avoid those people as life partners.  They might be fun friends or kidless partners, but won’t contribute to much else. [/quote]

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