Reply to Therapy didn't change the household chores dynamic, so I...

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Therapy didn't change the household chores dynamic, so I... "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, what percentage of the income do you make?[/quote]

Not relevant. [/quote]

I am a SAHM. My DH is quite capable person for some domestic things - helping with the baby, cooking...ok these two things mainly. Despite all kinds of strategies - making lists, chore wheel, having meetings, texting, spreadsheets, to do lists -  he was not consistent in stepping up.  I hated that instead of being married adults, I took on the role of being a taskmaster. So I basically outsourced most things and I manage and supervise these people.

At the end of it all, I want for myself - a well run household, a good marriage, good health, happy family, kids who are enriched and thriving, being able to develop my own passions/hobbies/education, financial success, having time for family and friends, being able to withstand ups and downs of life and preparedness for all stages of life.  In this life, we all walk alone.   Chores are small potatoes.  Minimize your expenses on other things and spend the money on outsourcing.

However, remember that even with outsourcing, you will be the one in the supervisory role.   Accept that. Move on.  Men don't want to do the work at home?  Then they can step up and be excellent providers and basically shut up about how much we spend. [/quote]

You're a sahm. You should be doing the bulk of the household stuff as that's part of what you all claim is the bonus for you being at home.[/quote]

[b]I gave birth to our children.  My DH cannot create a human being[/b], so the least he can do is go and earn a big paycheck.  This I think makes up somewhat for his not having a uterus or being able to breastfeed.

Now lets talk about domestic chores.  I am raising children and looking after the home management.  I am not a maid.  He does not want to do domestic chores?  His desire is also valid. I am very understanding and egalitarian.  Newsflash -  I also don't like to do domestic chores. It is a waste of my time as a college educated mom, who can use my education for creating an enriching and educational environment for my kids.

And since both of us don't want to do domestic stuff and want to spend time doing more worthwhile things, I outsource a lot - from cleaning to laundry, food prep to yard maintainence, grocery shopping to handyman duties.   We both are happy.  Thank you very much.  There is no reason to be fighting about which spouse should be cleaning. I am gracious enough to manage the people who work for us.

Domestic chores is not a problem.  It is just an expense. It can be solved by spending $$$.

If you are too broke to spend money on outsourcing, then both partners need to work together to tackle household chores.   [/quote]

This is not an impressive accomplishment. You're ridiculous.[/quote]

Really?  Says who? You?  Your opinion is irrelevant.  My DH is very grateful that I have given birth to beautiful, intelligent, high achieving and happy children  - and we have a beautiful family.  In fact, the family we have created is our greatest accomplishment.

Let me clarify one thing though - what do you have to do to be "impressive" to your DH? What does he require of you so that he is compelled to be an equal partner who works side by side with you to do chores and run the household?  Evidently, your being educated is not impressive, if you are a WOHM and earning a paycheck that is not impressive, if you are a SAHM at home with your children that is not impressive,  and of course, you giving birth to children is not impressive at all.   So, since you are so very inferior to him, is your punishment to be his handmaiden and serve him ?  Are you inferior to him in looks, background, education, capabilities or are you just inferior to him as a human being?  Does he think that the children you have borne him are inferior or the family you both have created is inferior?  What is so very wrong with you that he thinks you are not worthy of being treated with respect and he is ok with not being a partner with you to do domestic chores at home?

My DH and I feel lucky to have each other.  And this translates into the following options for specific chores and responsibilities -  one of us is willing to tackle the work  on our own because we have the time/energy/interest/flair for it,   OR both of us work together, OR we both ignore the work OR  outsource the work.  Outsourcing allows us to have a smoothly running household so we can enjoy our life and family.

As a  WOHM who is also contributing financially at home, you would be even more respected by people in your personal and professional life. Budget for outsourcing and cut expenses elsewhere - if your DH is not helping out for any reason.

OP, I do have sympathy for your situation but throwing things on your DH is not the answer regardless of how frustrated you are.  Chores may not be his forte or his brain may not be wired to help out doing certain chores. You need to be calm and peaceful and outsource. This will help to preserve the peace at home and keep it conflict-free for your family. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics