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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]NP. I find the framing pretty interesting. Paraphrasing: “If someone takes it too far I just mention I’m married or my husband.”  Why is the answer simply not “I’m not interested”?

It’s almost like the same women who will talk however they want to whoever they want lose all agency the moment they’re confronted with the conflict and instead rely on their relational status to a man to resolve the conflict.

The simple rule is the still the best. If you wouldn’t behave that way if your spouse was present then you shouldn’t do it just because your spouse isn’t there. [/quote]

I think you are missing my point.  I WOULD behave the same way if my husband was present.  All I am doing engaging in conversation with smiling and laughing.  If my husband is present, that makes it easier for men to understand I’m not available, but if he isn’t i bring it up. The answer is that it is nicer to me to mention my husband and continue having a conversation because it draws a boundary without rudely cutting someone off and saying “I’m not interested in you or conversation with you.”[/quote]

This thread is right: men can’t handle rejection.

But there is a related point this response illustrates (and the one right after it):  women can’t handle rejecting men.

A lot of the issues OP’s question gets at rest within the gray area of BOTH genders not being direct.

Related question, would it not be equally nice to others to never allow them the misunderstanding that you may be interested in the first place.  I just don’t get the “I’ll talk to whoever I want however I want, but I would never be direct about my lack of interest and instead I’ll be nice by sending a signal that I’m married which doesn’t actually conclusively establish the point I’m trying to make.”

[/quote]

I don’t think it’s an issue so much of “women can’t handle rejecting men” as much as it is “women fear angry men’s reactions and sense of entitlement to women’s bodies and affections.” It’s impossible to guess which man is going to retaliate when they’re rejected. Letting men down easily tends to be a safer course of action.

Case in point: the concept of needing to reject someone after flirting with them. Flirting means absolutely nothing, so the idea tha a man thinks he has some claim that I’d need to reject after a little flirting with someone who happened to be sitting near me at a bar over the course of a drink or two is ludicrous. If I flirt with someone while having a drink and they act like I own them more of my time or conversation just because we happened to sit near each other in a public place, my instinct is to get away safely. That doesn’t usually include direct confrontation; saying I’m off the market let’s him know to stop without challenging his manhood. After being in a situation where a man feels like he deserves more, it’s pretty easy to understand why many women choose that as their default setting. If you’ve never experienced it or have found a better way to handle it (other than social isolation), good for you. Consider yourself lucky. [/quote]

+1 Like, what does PP think it means that men can’t “handle” rejection? That they go home and cry and eat Ben and Jerry’s after somebody declines to give them their number?

But also indirect conversation isn’t always bad. Like if I sense somebody wants to be friends, and for whatever reason i don’t want to be friends with them, I’m not going to tell them that. I will just decline their offers of spending time together. I am sure some don’t consider that direct enough but when I make an overture of friendship I sure as heck don’t want somebody to say “I am not interested in spending time with you.” I can take a hint. [/quote]

Agreed. I would mention DH casually to lessen any embarrassment on the part of the person Im talking with. If they were a creep and I felt safe doing so I would tell them I wasn’t interested but I’d prefer to drop a hint so they have the chance to bow out gracefully. [/quote]

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