Reply to If you forgave infidelity, how did you do it?

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Reply to "If you forgave infidelity, how did you do it?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's hard to understand why any spouse would stay after infidelity. I don't see how you repair that. [/quote]

I used to think this and now I believe that I’d stay. DD is severely depressed and has severe anxiety and has mentioned on more than one occasion how grateful she is that her parents aren’t divorced and how hard it would be on her. Once my husband joked about divorcing me (it was 100% a joke and really quite funny) and DD overheard and freaked out.

So I wouldn’t divorce because I’d be terrified of what she would do. But I think I’d declare the marriage open, never sleep with him again, stop anything emotionally intimate, etc. I wouldn’t try to repair the marriage, I’d just be roommates. And probably divorce at some point. [/quote]

My grandmother did this for decades. She only told her children after my grandfather died. They slept in the same room on separate beds, and everyone assumed it was because my grandfather had a bad back and needed a firmer mattress.

She was tired of his cheating and stopped sleeping with him He kept cheating and she probably never had sex for decades( I am assuming. Noone has ever asked her).

The children were happy and did not uspect a thing. She and my grandfather combined income and otherwise behaved like a close married couple until he died in his 80s. She lived her husband and taking sex out of the equation took the stress out of it too.

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This is the way to do it if your spouse keeps cheating and you want to stay. Making peace with the sex part of the marriage. Otherwise it will eat you up.[/quote]

That sounds awful. He got his jollies and she was stuck unfulfilled? What a miserable life. I doubt he loved her the way she loved him. Sad.[/quote]

Granddaughter here.

It doesn't sound any more awful than splitting time with my children. And I say this as someone with an incredibly high libido.

Sex is great, but  I can live a full life without it. Now, it will be hard for me to sleep in the same room with my DH and not start something. Lol

My grandmother has a full, exciting life, and she has always had it. She had her business, church, girlfriends, family that loved and supported her etc. She had my grandfather in most of the ways that counted. They made  a good team and raised some incredible children. Living separately would have interfered with the way they wanted to raise their children. For example, my grandfather had his children at the table studying and discussing whst they learned every single night from 7pm- 9pm. That is one of the things they remember moat fondly from their childhood. Living separately would have made that difficult. They lived in a prime location that neither could afford without combining incomes ( even though my grandmother made very little).

Her life may not have been perfect, but it was never sad. She is a very happy person.

And funny enough she appeared in charge of the relationship when he was alive. He listened to everything she said( except for seeing other women i guess). She made pretty much all the decisions. Maybe he was guilty or maybe he thought he could get back in her pants. Lol
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I'm glad it worked out for your grandma but sadly many people these days have the capacity to start new relationships and will as soon as they find the person they actually want to be with so often you are just biding time with them till they flee. Or they stay and continue to move money or lie profusely about other important things.  It all depends on the person. For many cheaters this is only one area they suck in relationship wise.[/quote]

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