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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I understand your problems but you should look for different solutions.

The problem here is that you have an issue of being lonely and wanting to go out to eat periodically.  But your solution is to take away something that he enjoys and perhaps helps with his emotional balance, e.g. his lunch out with co-workers.  I think it better that you convey to him your two points that you are lonely and that you want to go out to eat with someone you know periodically.  Since you don't know anyone because you moved her because of his job, you would like to go out to eat with him periodically.  He can decide whether he wants to periodically take a day and have lunch with you or if you go out to eat dinner regularly.

The point is to give him the problem and let him help figure out a solution.  You don't want to suggest that he give something up unless he wants to give it up.  All that does is make both of you unhappy.  It's better to find a way to make both of you happy.[/quote]

OP have you read this advice? It’s really good.

I know it’s really frustrating because you already tried to come up with a solution and were rebuffed. But thats not the end. Collaborate. Be solution-oriented. [/quote]

+2 yes, great advice.[/quote]

Did you guys miss the part where she said he never wanted to go out to dinner? It was in the OP. That would bother me. Reading between the lines, he wants her to cook dinner every night.

If he’s saying he doesn’t want to go out again because he’s going out for lunch, that’s very rigid. I would be annoyed if my spouse was running around the office looking for people to eat with but then “had plans “ when I asked him to do something with me. Sounds like it’s not about lunch so much as him not wanting to do anything with her, which feels extra bad because she is so lonely. Do working on her own friendships is great but won’t fully solve the problem of wanting him to do stuff outside the house. [/quote]

I'm the first PP (the one who made the suggestion).  No, we did not miss that part.  But the point is that OP has a problem.  Her picking a solution and trying to make him adhere to it is just going to make them both unhappy.  What she needs to do is tell him the problem and then let him figure out what compromise he is willing to make to solve the problem.  Yes, he is happy going out to lunch with his co-workers and he doesn't like to go out once he's home from work.  But that status quo is not working for her.  She needs to let him know that the status quo is not working and have him help come up with a solution that solves her problem.  The point is that instead of picking a solution that he doesn't like, let him figure out what compromise he is willing to make and then offer it.  They'll both be happier if she does so.

And, if he isn't willing to compromise and help solve her problem, then there is a much bigger problem than just where and when to dine out.  He needs to show that he cares enough to make a compromise that will help solve her problem.  But he should have some say in what that compromise is.[/quote]

It sounds like she has tried multiple solutions and her husband is shooting them all down. I just don’t think it’s fair to characterize this as trying to take away something he loves when she has asked for several different things already. I understand she could try saying more explicitly that she is lonely but her husband sounds really uncaring if he wants to get to choose how he eats lunch every day and then expects OP to cook dinner every night despite her saying repeatedly that she is unhappy with that[/quote]

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