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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Obviously, it’s up to your sister on what she does next. If she plans to stay with him, why would she tell you about the affair?  To me, it invites judgement from others.[/quote]

So what if others judge? Are their marriages perfect. This fear of judgement can be very dangerous. I have a friend who hid abuse for years because she was afraid of judgement.

OP's sister needs support, and she probably needs it more than she fears judgement.[/quote]

I agree. I'm the poster who told my sister when my DH had an affair when our kids were 3 and 5.

I wish it were more socially acceptable to talk about infidelity because people suffer in silence when they don't need to. I was very in careful in whom I told . . . I told maybe 5 people, and most of them were good friends who lived far away and weren't part of our current circle, so it wasn't like it would impact our social life or spread. BUT the most important thing was that I needed support. I felt bad that I was telling people something that DH was really ashamed of, but it was a "well too bad so sad, because you could have just not done it" situation. If one of us has to bear the consequences, it should be him, not me.

I've never been afraid of my friends judging me for anything. I have lovely friends who trust my judgment, and vice versa. I did ask my sister and one friend if they thought I was missing anything nefarious about my husband that would mean we couldn't reconcile, just in case I had a blind spot. But I never worried that anyone would think ill of us me for staying. They know and love my DH just like I do, so while they were hurt and disappointed, they were also able to put the affair in the context of his whole life.

Anyone who judges without understanding doesn't have an opinion I care about anyway.

On my DH's side, he told two friends (and a third knew because I told the wife). One of them had been a BH and gotten divorced. He actually told us he was so glad we were reconciling and he really regretted not trying to reconcile with his WW. So you just never know what people think anyway.[/quote]

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