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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ugh, I'm sorry OP. I'm the poster who said my husband had an affair when our kids were similar ages and gave some book recommendations. So she found out from someone else that he'd had an affair with a mutual friend? It does make sense that his brazen decision to have a COVID-risky affair wouldn't be his first rodeo, I suppose.

I'm filled with rage for your sister too! And I felt it on my own DDay too. You want to be with this other person? THEN GO BE WITH HER! GTFO because I don't need you. The rage can serve a purpose because the thing about cheating is that the cheater gives themselves two options and puts the BW in a stupid love triangle where she's in competition with a third party. Screw that. You want another woman as an option? You got her! I'm out. That rage flipped the script on my DH because it was no longer about him getting to pick between two hopeful women. It was about his wife saying, congratulations, you get the OW as a consolation prize! Hope you're 100% confident that relationship is going to work out, lol.

(My DH looked chastened and sputtered out, "I mean, I don't even know her that well . . ." And then he told me I was the smartest and funniest person he knew, and I knew that meant, "OW isn't even that smart or funny." Apparently she beat me on "sweetness." But again, WTF how did I wind up on a dating game where I'm hoping to be chosen, no, I refuse to play this game!)

Of course, I don't know if your sister is at rage, or just shock. It's really normal for her to be trying/wanting to save the marriage at this point. I would just encourage her to start detaching from DH and the outcome. Reconciliation is hard enough without a WS that you had to cajole into staying. Let her show him that she has choices too.
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Yeah, she's definitely at rage/numb. This is her attitude too. She's not doing to fight for him to want her, it's just so sad that there are kids involved not to mention the hurt and betrayal. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Hugs![/quote]

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