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Reply to "Found out today that my MIL deeply resents me"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]She may have a long term envy, and hold a story in her mind that you hold all the cards, her son works his ass off while you arbitrarily do whatever you want, etc. You're selfish,, etc.. if these things are untrue [/b](and of course life is often more nuanced than her view) then see it as a projection coming from her that says a lot about her issues and how she thinks.She may idealize her son and devalue you yes. It's primitive thinking, it's unfair, it's hurtful. But it's coming from her, it doesn't mean it's true obviously. Give it time to simmer down, feel your hurt and then try to let it go. You can, it may just take time. Sorry for you.She leaked a bit if her sh#t, she is probably now embarrassed too. Give it some time and see what happens.[/quote] [b]BINGO! I definitely think she's upset about the move, however... She mentioned long term resentment, and that is NOT about the move. That's something she feels every. single. day. Something that's nagging, gnawing & chipping away at her fondness for you, and I think this PP hit the nail on the proverbial head. It sounds like you're a SAHM, OP? And if you are I'm sure it's exactly what your family requires & what works for you guys, as you have 3 young children and you've already mentioned that your husband works/is away a great deal. However, after that knock she made about you being entitled & always wanting the next best thing, I think her resentment REALLY lies with you... staying home all day where you can leisurely lay around, sleeping in until noon, spending all of your husband's money shopping for the new house, for new clothes for you, for whatever is next & trendy, getting mani-pedi's 32 times a week, eating bon-bons off of the pool boys abs (or whatever other nonsense she's conjured up in her mind). All the while her poor, adorable, sweet, hardworking little baby boy; who's naive to the black magic spells of a temptresses like you, as he just toils away at work like he's working 18 hours a day in a sweat shop, day after day, killing himself with work, stress & bills because all he wants to do in life & all that makes him happy is wanting to please YOU... his controlling & demanding wife! He obviously can't stand the thought of disappointing you and he cannot find the strength to ever tell you no to anything... so he buys you new house, after new house, and upcoming new house and then we obviously have to buy new furnishings and start shopping all over.. yay! Now obviously I'm overly, OVERLY exaggerating OP -- but if you are a SAHM, I guarantee you that this is a part of her resentment towards you, especially since she knows how hard your husband works, and she thinks that you don't seem appreciative of anything that he provides, because all you can think of is what you want next. If this is the case, your husband may be giving her that impression without even realizing he is. Maybe he wanted sympathy from her one day, sho he told her how exhausted he is, how hard he works, how he feels unappreciated? That may not be true at all, but if his relationship with her is as difficult as you've said... he very well may have done that in hopes of making his relationship with his mom easier? Only you know the truth, OP... but I'd start by asking your husband if she's ever made little comments here and there about you being home and not working? Only then will you know the truth. Good luck with your upcoming move, OP![/b] [/quote] Lol this post was great! [/quote] Agreed, the bolded is spot on! OP, you've either moved or are preparing to move your 3 young children a total of 3 times in 6 years... and you wonder *why* your MIL has the impression that you're always on the hunt for the next new thing?? LOL! This definitely revolves around her perception of your character, as well as how she perceives that you spend your days (all while her precious son works himself to death in order to keep you happy, of course!). 😑 In MIL's eyes, you probably seem quite unappreciative, bored, unhappy, unsatisfied, etc unless you're on the prowl for the next best thing. She's all too aware of the long, back-breaking hours her son works, simply to provide you with house, after house, after house and you never seem content. Oh, and while we're on the subject... I imagine I don't have to tell you that purchasing and selling your family home 3 separate times within a 6 year time period (with 3 small children in tow) is utterly bananas... b-a-n-a-n-a-s! No really, it's cuckoo for cocoa puffs to say the least. I think most folks will agree that moving is one of life's most tedious demands, as it requires not only such strenuous physical exertion, but the mental exertion expended may be even more taxing & draining on you. Moving extracts such an enormous amount of physical & mental bandwidth from us, that most sane people don't want to even contemplate moving for a long, long time after they've recently moved. Most folks want to plant roots, intoduce & enmesh themselves in their new community, and most of all... make their new house into a home. Thus, thinking about the nightmare of moving again in less than 5-10 years after I've moved (let alone 2 years) would give me such anxiety. I do think it's *highly* unusual to go through the sell/purchase process every 2 years in 6 years, which is exactly where she's arrived at this perception of you that you're never satisfied and always on the hunt for the next best thing. It's really not rocket science. 🚀 [/quote]
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