Reply to Does your mom find "surrogate" daughters she gushes about?

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Does your mom find "surrogate" daughters she gushes about?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]With my mom there was definitely what is called "love bombing" and discard. When she adored the surrogate daughter she showered her with compliments and would give expensive gifts or checks for special occasions. Then something happens and discards like trash. For one it had nothing to do with her, it had to do with something her husband did. I actually knew the young woman ( a peer) and she was so hurt. It's like...that's how mom operates. Welcome to my world. I find my mom's charm to phony and fake, but some of these not even young ladies (I am middle age) fall for it and think she is just sooooooo amazing. I think she purposely preys upon people anxious and insecure who don't have a lot of close friendships. [b]It's like grooming, but it's not like she abuses them, she just uses them to fill a need she has for admiration and attention[/b].[/quote]

The person receiving this behavior also need acceptance, much like the person (mom/MIL) who do this. They want to feel that they belong.  No, it should not be at the expense of any immediate family members. [/quote]

My mom was quite good looking when she was younger and I noticed some of her surrogate daughters over the years would comment to me "Your mom is sooooooo pretty" as much as they commented her being amazing. I think it was sometimes this mutual girl crush and then when she showered them with praise it just filled this need or emptiness. I say "girl crush" but most likely it was platonic although as I have mentioned earlier on here at one point I wondered if it was a lesbian tendency coming out. It's just creepy the level of detail my mom went into about how exquisitely beautiful these ladies were and they always had slender figures which she commented on. Being slender is very important to my mother in general. Gosh the more I think about it, it was really gross how she focused on their figures too. The thing is, some of these ladies had very doting mothers-even they said so, it wasn't a keeping up appearances thing. I think there is an element of naivete too-kind of like women who get swept off their feet by men who send lots of flowers, shower them with praise and whisk them away and then disappear. They don't understand that often extreme charm can be a red flag. [b]Praise is fine, but when someone puts you on a pedestal like that it isn't such a good sign.[/b][/quote]

Like MIL gushing over practically strangers babies, how great this or that person is, how great their baby is - you have perfectly healthy and happy grandbabies of your own to gush over, you fool!  I think some people don't realize how good they have it, but they want to come off as some kind of saint to outsiders, OP. If the recipient can't see it for the load of crap the behavior is, that is on them. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics