Reply to Good provider, super attentive sexually, but not into the family -- what would you do?

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Reply to "Good provider, super attentive sexually, but not into the family -- what would you do?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
Wait, are you the OP of the other thread about your surgeon husband who works "7 days a week", "hot sex" with you daily, yada yada, but can't be bothered with family/kids?

I think that thread was deleted because it was clearly a troll post?
[/quote]

Nope.  Honest question on my part -- what should I do?[/quote]

NP and not going to read so many posts so sorry if this repeats someone else but:

Some adults (men and women, too) are not great parents for younger kids. They just don't relate to little-kid thinking and play and activities. These same adults can be good or even great parents as kids get older and become more able to communicate and become -- to be blunt -- more interesting human beings to that parent. That could be your husband's case but the tricky thing is: You can't know that's the case, and neither can he, until the kids actually are older.

You need to talk to him and he needs to admit it if he finds them boring and frustrating at this age. It's OK for him to admit that; it's the truth for some parents and it's human! Then I'd ask him to commit to doing one activity per kid where HE and not you takes the kid every time and gets involved; something where he can meet other dads of kids this age could be good for him, too. No complaints, but he sucks up any boredom or frustration and pastes on a smile and supports the kid with zero grousing about the time he has to make to do this.

He does not have to do this all day, all week, but he does need to commit. And he needs to admit it if the issue is just that he prefers kids who are better able to communicate and who have "older" interests he can better share. (But still...he needs to put on the supportiveness anyway, for now.) He does not have to adore all the minutiae of young-kid stuff; he does not have to embrace Peppa Pig or dinosaurs or whatever as the greatest thing ever, but he does have to act supportive and DO something with his kids so you get breaks and he gets to know them. He also needs to hear that if he remains this disinterested as they get older, they'll notice it a lot more and he can't expect then that they'll really listen to him much.

This isn't divorce worthy at all to me, if he's otherwise kind to his children, frankly. But yeah, it's frustrating, and it's hard if you're the parent who mainly deals with all child things. [/quote]

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